Sunday, August 26, 2007 Singlestalk: Caught in the web By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singlestalk
MICHELLE: There’s a not-so-recent phenomenon that has changed the way we relate romantically. I’m referring to cyber relationships found in this parallel universe called the World Wide Web where you can find anything and everything including love. However, there are peculiar concerns about love and relationships one encounters on the internet. For example, this girl whose relationship with a guy she has known for a year is mainly through e-mails. Though they talk on the phone a lot and chat online, she thinks that even if he is interested in her, there’s always a question if he likes her enough to evolve their relationship to a deeper level. It’s confusing when you exchange passionate e-mails or spend a lot of time chatting with each other and there seems to be no “development.” What do you think, DJ?
DJ: The Internet is a superhighway of possibilities! Fun, adventure, close to limitless information not to mention excitement and danger lurks about with just a click of a mouse. You need not go very far. You can have all these things and more, even right inside your room. It’s fast and convenient. Whatever is limited by presence is compensated by infinite use of imagination. The possibility of getting something real out of it sometimes leads to the fantasy that it can work for real. The net has changed the landscape of love. One can get wired to thousands of websites making the selection of a potential mate an international affair. But it can also lead to unrealistic expectations.
M: Although love can be found in the most unlikely places, it’s quite amazing that people could fall in love with people they “met” on the net. The virtual world allows one to create different faces and personalities according to one’s fantasies. But let’s not discount the web the Internet weaves. I know of many relationships that flourished despite the lack of “presence”. It must be destiny powered by Google!
DJ: Though it can be fun, I think chat rooms are places to meet people if your main objective is just to waste time. I try the place, too, when I don’t have much to do. Based on experience, looking for love on the net though efficient is less effective. Two of my friends met their wives in a chat room. But all the rest are just there for the fun. It’s hard for a genuine relationship to grow in an environment where deception looms. Personally, it’s hard to fall in love with someone you just communicate with in a chat room unless you decide to have a more personal contact. It’s possible to chat using your imagination of what that person is and not what he or she really is. It’s safe to say that the rule is not to take anyone seriously. You also might not be taken seriously.
M: It’s even a challenge to find love the conventional way, what more if you go rushing to click on that Search button. If one has had consistent online and occasional offline contact with someone for a considerable period of time, chances are both of you may have responded incrementally yet encouragingly; and may even have taken the risk of declaring your feelings for one another. The problem is when you’ve averred your feelings for him and you’ve not heard back in what you consider a timely fashion. If you’ve been doing this electronic emotional dance for a “few months” or maybe even for a “few years” and you’re not getting what you want, it’s time to walk away.
DJ: I don’t always recommend the net to meet people. If you are desperate enough, the person you’re talking to could be as desperate as you! There are exceptions to the rule though. True, the Internet speed up communication and supposedly makes people closer. But there’s no substitute for personal contact. The net’s a fun place to go looking but if you’re serious about finding love, surf somewhere else!
