Monday, September 10, 2007 Baumgart: The perfect size By Elisabeth Baumgart inkblots
THERE must be a science with pants sizes.
How come women take forever in picking out the right cut, the right size, the right color, the right shape and whatnot of pants–while men, they pick out pants that are either several sizes too small or too big for them?
I begin to wonder if guys these days see the importance of finding the perfect fit. There are just too many guys out there with their underwear sticking out of their pants and if there is one thing that is worse than seeing one guy’s boxers, it is seeing twenty men’s old boxers.
It must be because we are girls. That must be the reason we take our time in picking out the right clothes (which fit) and the right style that suits our taste. Rarely do you see girls wearing pants that are four times too big for them, to the point where their underwear or their buttcrack sticks out.
But seriously, guys, what’s the point of buying a pair of paints that are too big for you?
Don’t you realize how much time you are wasting each day trying to adjust your pants–pulling them up, pulling them down, tightening your belts and adjusting your boxer shorts? The energy spent on doing all that can be exerted in another, more productive activity, rather than on your pants.
For all you know, with all that energy used, you could have watered the plants, finished your homework early, wrote your thesis, fed the hungry, or–worked for world peace.
I understand that to bare one’s boxer-clad ass to the wind is considered stylish. But when society dictates that the boxers have to have holes in them or should not be washed for one month, I suspect that even that trend would be followed.
In recent events, while stopping by a convenience store on my way home to buy milk, I had the most memorable encounter with one of the I’m-cool-because-my-pants-are-too-big guys. Everything was hunky-dory, until I fell into line behind him and saw something that should not be seen.
His butt. His undressed butt. No boxers–just his friggin’ butt.
Why, in the name of what is good and fluffy, would anyone expose their ass in public?
He must have felt the draft on his rear because after a few seconds, he pulled his pants up and saved all the other customers from a severe heart attack.
Okay, so the guy may have not been aware of his slight ass exposure that night. So maybe his pants (and boxers, briefs, whatever) just slipped and gave his ass the 15 seconds of fame, which it obviously did not deserve.
So unless you want your rear to be exposed to the world, I suggest that guys should start wearing pants that actually fit. That, or start wearing suspenders.
