Tuesday, October 09, 2007 Adolescents ‘prefer quality time’
CONTRARY to popular belief, adolescents are not really that fond of gifts. Most parents, however, are inclined to give their children gifts to make up for the lack of quality time.
Cebuano parents and teachers learned this through a seminar conducted by the Center for Family Ministries of the Ateneo de Manila University (ADMU) at the Department of Education Ecotech Center yesterday.
Vicky Cantada of ADMU told participants the importance of quality time to fill a child’s “emotional love tank.”
There are other love languages aside from quality time. These are: acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts and words of affirmation.
Parents need to be flexible in expressing the kinds of love, according to the child’s preference. But in general, adolescents prefer quality time with parents.
Cantada also said that parents should also be open to the different intelligences that could shape a child: linguistic, logical/mathematical, musical, spatial/visual, kinesthetic/physical, interpersonal, intrapersonal and naturalist.
Children’s gifts
“It is important to know all kinds of intelligence so as not to suppress the child’s natural gift, or else, the spirit of the child may not develop. Also, if we know their leaning, you can calibrate your expectations,” said Cantado.
She explained that there is no sense forcing a child to do something if they only end up struggling in the end.
Worse, they may resort to suicide. Such is the case of a teacher who shared her experience during the open forum of the seminar.
The teacher said that one of her children committed suicide after being pressured to study.
Anabelle Fajardo, a social psychologist, explained that during puberty, the children expect that their first support group is the parents.
“But if parents themselves push them (children) and are the source of stress rather than strength, then it can contribute to depression or suicide,” said Fajardo.
“Be kind to your children even if your children are slow,” the teacher advised.
“Be permissive yet strict,” she added.
Cantada agreed, saying, “The middle ground there is being democratic. Allow your child to make his or her own choices.”
A parent also stood up and asked what she can do about her son who doesn’t want to say thank you because he is ashamed.
Wounds
“Maybe he’s basically shy. Give him time. What wounds children is when you force them to do something or reprimand them for being the way they are,” advised Cantada.
Wounds were also a popular topic in yesterday’s seminar.
In order for parents to be good parents, it is important to examine their childhood wounds, explained Fajardo, also the executive director of the Dolores S. Aboitiz Children’s Fund (DACF) of the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc.
DACF organized the seminar on building positive relationship with children for the poorest barangays in Cebu City, identified through poverty mapping. Participants are members of the Parents-Teachers Community Association.
Childhood wounds may affect how parents rear their children.
Fajardo said that there is already a growing number of violence against children and some of the perpetrators are the parents themselves.
The seminar aimed to prevent parents from becoming the perpetrators and to prevent other people from committing violence against their children.
It also intended to make advocates out of the participants on children’s issues especially in the celebration of the Children’s month this October. (JGA)
