Monday, November 12, 2007 Baumgart: Wow Jeepney II By Elisabeth Baumgart inkblots
IF THERE are eating etiquettes, then there also has to be proper etiquette when riding a jeepney. These golden rules have to be plastered in every vehicle and have to be followed by every sentient being on the planet—or else capital punishment shall be handed down.
When riding a jeepney, or any public vehicle for that matter, do not drown yourself in excessive perfume.
Wearing too much perfume only proves two points to the general public: that one, you did not take a bath and two, you obviously have a bad case of BO (body odor) and need to cover it up.
If you think that you smell incredibly good with the half gallon of whatchmacallit perfume that you practically showered yourself with that morning, then you are wrong. Mixed with the healthy traffic fumes, it’s just one nauseating smell that makes every passenger pass out.
If you do not fit into the seat, do not force your butt into it.
Obviously, if one row of seats is full one can no longer possibly squeeze in and sit down. But apparently, there is a new breed of jeep riding species that can contort their rear ends and magically fit into the nonexistent space in between two passengers in an already filled-up row.
This occurs often with young couples, who find it impossible to separate even during a short jeepney rides. There seems to be an unwritten law that couples just have to sit together because if they sit apart, they might miss each other too much and eventually fall in love with a random fellow passenger.
Silence should be observed on board.
There’s nothing worse than sitting next to a gaggle of young school girls who talk nonstop over their latest campus crush. It’s nauseating and incredibly annoying.
Boys should learn how to bleep themselves. Censoring their own crude expressions would be rather helpful. There’s nothing cool about dropping the locally translated F-bomb four times in a sentence— it just proves that you have no IQ whatsoever and are bad at English.
If by chance you decide to bring large objects on board, say for example, a bucketful of dead fish, then please refrain from spilling contents on fellow passengers.
If you decide to bring large pointy objects on board, then please refrain from poking an eye out from your fellow passengers.
And if you decide to bring a child on board, please make sure that he or she doesn’t suffer from motion sickness while inside the vehicle. Passengers on board have presumably already showered and therefore need not to be showered in baby barf.
Once all these rules are complied with, riding public transportation could be comfortable and enjoyable. Happy riding everyone!
