Sunday, November 18, 2007 Singlestalk: Indifference? Whatever! By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singlestalk
MICHELLE: The opposite of love is not hatred. It is indifference. Hatred destroys only a handful of relationships, but indifference destroys millions.
Indifference poisons relationships, drives a wedge between couples, parents and children, friends and neighbors, employers and employees. The simple expression “whatever!” has become the most tangible oral manifestation of indifference. It means “I don’t care” or “leave me alone.” Sometimes, I see people say “whatever” complete with the rolling of eyes and their fingers in a “W” sign.
Why should it bother us? Because where there is indifference, there is no passion. There is no sense of purpose. When we become indifferent to the passions and purpose of our lives, we begin to lead what Thoreau described as “lives of quiet desperation.” When couples and partners become indifferent to each other, their relationship very quickly becomes a place of misery.
DJ: Whatever. But seriously, it’s quite obvious to anybody who lives in our modern world that things have gotten much, much noisier. Hardly any room to be still.
Indifference can be good or bad. For things we have control of, we can take the active role to keep things going. But for things or relationships we have little or even no control of, indifference can be an indicator of acceptance and readiness to genuinely move on. For example, it takes two to sustain a dating relationship.
If one has already given up even if the other is already extending both our arms for a hug, why pop a blood vessel and exhaust energy to make it work? Be still. At times, we need to do this in memory of our failed relationships.
M: If love unites, cares deeply, is full of hope, believes, rejoices, or gets involved, indifference is the opposite. Indifference separates, is hopeless, is cynical, despairs, cannot be bothered or doesn’t want to get involved. When you meet this indifference in a person, especially in one whom you deeply care about, it is like trying to walk through an emotional quicksand. It can suck the life out of you. Indifference does not only destroy relationships, but also destroys nations. Many are lukewarm to what is happening in and to our country. We tolerate garbage, corruption, abject poverty caused by inequitable distribution of wealth and greed by the few who are rich and powerful. We allow desperation to creep into our lives. Many don’t like the state they are in but they are helpless or worse not willing to make a change.
DJ: But before even deciding to make or not to make a move --- what’s the end in mind? At times we stress ourselves out by overpromising and overcompensating. We become too nice to be truthful. Instead of pushing back, we accept what we can’t take in the first place. Soon, there is no more space left for anything, or anyone else.
We only have 24 hours in a day. While we can’t afford to miss on things, we can’t also have it all. The world becomes less complicated once we’re blessed with the wisdom to know when to take courage and make a change and when to be still and accept the things we cannot change.
M: Most of us spend our whole lives working, and most people are miserable in their work. Why? Some would say that it is because their work is not exciting enough.
Others would say it is because they don’t earn enough money. Still others would say that their work is meaningless. So why remain in something that is meaningless?
The reality is that many of us fail to connect our lives with our essential purpose. Many don’t seek to know themselves better. Some don’t even want to get to know the source of all these things we have in life, including our very lives. The result is a lukewarm existence instead of a fullness of life. As Maya Angelou says: “If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.”
DJ: Like everything else in this world, there’s a limit to what our senses can take in. The choice is ours. The key is balance. We can’t always grow moss waiting for things to happen. But if one is already like a fish kicking hopelessly in some block of ice, it’s okay to position each of his or her thumbs and index fingers into separate “V” signs, join the two "wings" together to make a “W” and say “whatever." Be still. Look within. Seize the day!
