Sunday, December 02, 2007 Women’s world: Jealous of pal's success By Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante & Cindy Ruiz Garaña, R.N. Women’s world
Dear Cindy,
I’m fond of reading your column, and it helps me physically and emotionally. I wrote to you because I need your advice.
Cindy, going out with my best friend has become a hardship for me. You see, my best friend is doing very well financially. As for me, I’ve had a few setbacks. To be honest, I’m jealous of her success. And to think we have the same choice of career.
I know this is my problem, not hers, but how do I handle my feelings?
Esther
Dear Esther,
I know what you mean. As much as I don’t like to admit it, I also occasionally struggle with jealousy when friends are able to afford things that I can’t.
Remember the way you feel isn’t a problem; it’s a normal reaction. It’s hard to be friends with someone who often goes shopping regardless of the expenses incurred and takes vacations when you’re scrambling to pay the bills.
Esther, ask yourself if you would take everything that the person has. Would you want her picky husband, her high-stress job, or her spoiled kids? Would you trade brains with her? More often than not, the answer is “no.” And as envious as you are of your friend’s financial success, who’s to say she isn’t jealous of something you have?
If she’s flaunting her wealth, by all means give yourself some space.
Otherwise, be honest with her. The next time she suggests dinner at a fancy restaurant, tell her: “Sorry, I just can’t swing it right now. How about potluck at my place?” If she’s always going to make more money than you, then you need to decide if you’re comfortable in this relationship. I hope your differing income earnings will stand in the way of friendship.
God bless,
Cindy
Feeling belittled
Dear Dr. Dana,
Thank you for your column. I’ve learned so much from it. My trouble enrages and embarrasses me to no end. For many valid reasons, I ended my relationship with my boyfriend. This has angered him and he has threatened me—threats I never thought he could utter.
During the five years of our relationships, he has showered me with valuable gifts including cash and jewelry. Just recently, he sent his sister to see me to retrieve all that he had given me. I felt so belittled that I almost pushed her out of the door, telling her to go out because it was none of her business.
Am I right? If not, what shall I do?
Amor
Dear Amor,
Your letter has really flattered me and I would like to express my gratitude to all the readers of this column.
I think of you as a brave girl and you must keep on being brave to face this mess that has come your way. Your ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature and selfish person. You are precisely right in dumping him.
There is no reason for you to be disturbed. Perhaps, he just wants to get even with you. What has been given voluntarily to someone becomes an absolute property of the recipient. "Voluntarily" because you never ask for those things, am I right?
Don’t even be intimidated by your ex-boyfriend because in the first place, he doesn’t have the right to.
Very truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante
Dana Ruiz-Sesante, M.D. owns and operates Ruiz Derma & Spa which offers a wide variety of beauty services. There are branches at SM City Cebu Ayala Center, SM-Cebu and other locations.
Cynthia Ruiz-Garaña, RN, supervises Ruiz Beauty and Healthcare Training Institute located at 132 Don Mariano Cui St., Capitol Site, Cebu City. E-mail them at ruizderma@yahoo.com
