Sunday, December 16, 2007 Moises and Palmares: How to lose a great guy in 10 days By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: Last week we talked about the instances a guy could lose a great woman he’s dating. This time let’s talk how a woman could lose a great guy. Here’s a common scenario: The first date went well. The woman is attracted to the guy who has all the qualities she’s looking for in a man. Unfortunately, a week passes and the cold reality sinks in that this great guy has no intention of ever seeing her again. Where did she go wrong? How could she have misunderstood what she thought was great chemistry? Maybe the woman is “assuming,” but it’s better to learn the top turnoffs that make good guys wave goodbye. The No. 1 turnoff for men are women who mislead them. It sucks big time for a guy to find out that the woman is not who she’s claiming to be, especially if she turns out to be a he! Be honest. Even if others are not, cannot or will not.
DJ: Hopefully, the interest on this topic is not triggered by the cool breeze of December! Five steps away from a mall’s entrance one can already count at least five people holding hands while walking (HHWW). The aircorn is especially cold at this time of the year, so this kind of exercise is more sweety-sweety than sweaty-sweaty. And if a woman is not secure enough with herself, the urge to turn back can be high especially if she keeps looking at her empty hand. But tip number one is a woman needy for a dating relationship doesn’t look very appealing to guys. Unless he’s only after some gut to be gutted out. Reserved and independent women can be much of a turn-on because of the challenge. They are usually intriguing and it’s common to most guys to want to break through that barrier and get to know her better. The tricky part is if we find out that it’s just an act, or she’s just painfully shy or worse, if there’s no substance behind the barrier. We lose interest in breaking it. Sounds unfair, I know. But male behavior can be puzzling, too, just as we’re puzzled by women who interest us.
M: Men are turned off by insecure women—those who read into every comment a guy makes; want to know right away if the second date can be tomorrow; ask the guy to call the minute he gets home, etc. This clingy nature screams of a potential needy girlfriend lacking independence. Another turnoff is when a woman has the characteristic of a litigation lawyer except that she’s not in a courtroom. I’m talking about women who give guys the third degree, where the cross-examination begins before the menu arrives. The questions come fast and furious. Before the woman knows it, the guy begins to feel like a defendant on the stand in a criminal trial. If a guy feels stuck under the interrogation lights, he’ll run for the hills. Another turn off is a woman who arrives late, no-shows, changes plans last-minute, loses the guys number, and just doesn’t respect a guy’s time. Fashionably late is one thing; keeping a guy waiting 30 minutes or being a no-show is unacceptable.
DJ: I agree. And it’s false for women to think guys go for the loud and flirty type. What’s so special about being just another notch in her belt? While we appear to be insensitive, we do want to get to know more about a woman we take seriously. If we do not want to know more about what’s inside her other than its literal sense, if we’re not interested about what makes her laugh, it’s a sign that we do not intend to see her after 10 days. When we love a woman, we make an effort to understand her even if we can’t put our finger on why she reacts differently to what we think things should be. And even if we cannot really figure what goes inside her head, we feel bad when she feels bad or upset about something we’ve done or did not do. Our priorities change. And if we keep her but the list of things we’d like to do either by our self or just with our buddies does not become even just a bit shorter than what it used to be, it’s a possible indication that we’re not seeing a future with her on it.
M: If you’re a high-maintenance kind of woman, let me give you the down low: the feeling that nothing is ever good enough makes a guy quit trying to impress. So if he takes you to a nice restaurant even if you’re seated near the bathroom, say thank you anyway. Another turnoff for men is a chatterbox. Conversation doesn’t have to be 50 percent talking and 50 percent listening. But if the woman does all the talking, it feels more like a seminar than a date. The opposite is also a turnoff for men. If the woman is too quiet, know that it is equally unsettling for the guy if the woman makes them do all the work. Women also lose great guys if they’re notorious for spilling the beans on what went wrong with prior relationships. Then there are women who are players. Good guys like to know where they stand. Be careful about flirting or leading guys on because it might cross over into deception and confusion. Conceited women turn off men as do women who are so anxious about getting married. Intense relationships can be exciting for a good guy, but there’s nothing scarier for a guy than a woman who already talks about walking down the aisle even before he walks or brings her home.
DJ: You seem to be an expert of reading a guy, Mic. Every once in a while, guys go home cross-eyed and drunk while his date has an impression of intoxicated enchantment. And if she’s got a huge ego to fill, she’d buy that even though he’s plainly intoxicated. But we know that we can’t take a woman for a ride if she knows who she is and is comfortable in her own skin. It’s remarkable to get to know women who choose to be in a dating relationship because they want to, not necessarily because they need to. These are women who can strip to the core of their being and can screw the labels attached on her and on others. Besides, love has no exclusivity. Anyone can access it. It is the ticket to being constantly relevant. This is true whether one is single or dating. Most of the time, it’s just a matter of putting things in the right perspective. It all seems too simple, really, but who told women that the formula for a dating relationship has to be complicated?
