Sunday, December 30, 2007 Singlestalk: The gift By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singlestalk
MICHELLE: Do you sometimes ever wonder why your life’s like that? Or why it isn’t like that? I have been pondering on the complexity of human existence; why others have so much and others too little. This Christmas season, we find ourselves once again amidst last minute shopping sprees at overcrowded malls, frantic gift wrapping sessions and a flurry of activities - parties, drinking, eating, all in the spirit of holiday fun. But no matter one’s belief system, I’d like to think that we know that this isn’t what Christmas should be all about.
DJ: Yup. Christmas is one of the most awaited seasons. And now that the wait is over, a number of us may still be having a hang over from too much babes, booze and a whole lot of rock n’ roll. The ‘horriday’ is what some martini-soaked peeps would sometimes call Christmas.
But come to think of it. If we take away tradition and habits, what do we really believe about Christmas? I think we need to outgrow the idea that Christmas has to always feel good for it to be real. We are not our feelings.
Feelings come and go and identifying our selves with something fleeting can be confusing.
Christmas is not just a season. It is a state of mind.
The key to joy is being grateful for what we have, for who we are, right where we are and to seize from believing that life is about us all the time. We find the true meaning of our purpose when we look beyond ourselves and see how much of a gift we are to others.
M: They say the best gifts are those that come from the heart. When I read the editor’s letter of a high-end lifestyle/society magazine, I was surprised because the editor wrote about graceful giving - something which I did not expect to be tackled in what I perceived (erroneously) as a snobbish publication. She wrote: “among the most treasured presents you can give people you care about is your genuine gratitude that they are part of your life. It takes very little to boost another’s ego or to brighten someone’s day, yet the effects are so far-reaching. Gigantic toys and bursting food baskets we put under the tree are fun and certainly have their place. But these are not the things we will remember most; it’s the giver and the spirit in which something was given that will matter.” The editor goes on to cite an example of a mother who discovered that her young son was saving his allowance money to give her a “very expensive present”. The mother was worried that her son had picked up the message that love and gratitude could be measured with money. So, armed with advice read from personal finance expert Suzie Orman, the mother showed her son gifts he had made for her in the past and told him how much they meant and still mean to her. Then the mother asked her son if he remembered what she had given him for Christmas 2 years ago. Whether he remembered or not, the editor wrote “the point to make, says Orman, ‘is that most things money can buy have a limited lifespan. Make sure they understand that the love you share transcends material objects’.”
DJ: While we’re in this age when we can communicate across the globe with just a click of a button, it seems like we have grown apart and less and less connected from those we hold dear. And we are in pursuit of happiness as though it’s a physical thing that we would bump on the street. Happiness is going out of our self and not to be caught up with our own frustrations, to have that connection between Christmas and being a grown up. We always have a choice to make sense. No matter how little we seem to have, there’s always something we can offer to others. A kind smile, a pat on the back of someone who feels down, even letting a person who is obviously in a hurry take our place on the queue. These are little choices that usually make the big difference. And these are choices we do not make just once, but have to exercise again and again.
M: These past 2 weeks, after Micco wakes up and drinks his milk, he climbs up the couch, sits by the windowsill facing the street, points at everything he sees while I identify/name it for him. Looking out the window during those early mornings, I am struck by all the activities especially the sight of a father and son (a little boy maybe 7 or 8 years old) on board their bicycle with a side car scavenging through our garbage bins and getting anything that can still be sold, used or recycled. They leave a few minutes before the garbage truck arrives to collect the trash. While many of us indiscriminately throw things away (including recycled Christmas gifts?), there are people who make a living or survive because of it. Many of us might be thinking of giving ourselves or gifting our families and friends with the best presents, but wouldn’t it be better (and also nicer) if we give to those who cannot give us anything in return? You can spread the love by giving not only to those whom you love, but also to the less fortunate who need a tangible expression of what is love.
DJ: All this sentimental spirit can frankly make us totally mental. Not to mention fat. But seriously, Christmas taught me more about the importance of relationships, of closing the gap between myself and those I value, of being more open about my appreciation for them. I also learned more about being thankful that I am blessed with great people of whom I am also a gift, to see each day as part of something big while recognizing the grandness of a single moment. We only have one life to live. We shall not pass the same way again. It’s better to do whatever wonderful things to others while we still can and while they are still around, and to focus on what is happening now instead of what had already happened or on what is yet to happen. 2008 can still be perfectly flawed. It’s not even certain that it’ll be smoother than Asia Agcaoili’s legs. But let’s be perfectly happy about it. Let’s seize each moment and make it extraordinary. Carpe diem! ¡Feliz Año Nuevo!
