Thursday, January 03, 2008 So: Thriller at the sports center By Michelle P. So Caught in the Net
IF Michael Jackson came to town and visited the Cebu provincial jail, he would take one look at the inmates and then start to hyperventilate. He would think he was staring at the faces of real zombies dancing to his 1983 music video “Thriller.”
If the glutathione icon would expect the inmates at the Cebu provincial jail to look like the hunkylicious brothers Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows of “Prison Break,” he would be disappointed. If the inmates resembled just a little like the brothers and there would be a demand from the female and gay population for them to dance stiffly in public, then Cebu City Mayor Tomas Osmeña might just allow the inmates to perform at the Cebu City Sports Center during the Sinulog. But then, he might not.
The mayor reportedly has declared that he will not allow the prisoners to dance at the sports center “(not) even if Michael Jackson joins them.” But even if Michael Jackson would join them, people would not be jamming the center to see the inmates dance. They would be there to see how glutathione made the artist formerly skinned as black, translucent white and enviably skinny at age 49. Gov. Gwen Garcia would want to know the chemical composition of his elixir. I would too, but only for the skinny part.
Now, if there was anyone among the inmates with the brains of Michael Scofield, then he would already have his body tattooed with the images of the Santo Niño, Gwen Garcia,Tom Osmeña and Capitol security consultant Byron Garcia that disguise his escape routes. The real escape layout would be deciphered from the Byron Garcia tattoo, in homage to the governor’s brother who thought of the “Thriller” dance for the inmates and made the video land in Time’s Top 10 Web Videos for 2007.
The thought of a Michael Scofield among the inmates is probably the unrevealed reason Mayor Osmeña would not allow the inmates to dance at the sports center during the Sinulog, no matter how authentic they looked and moved as zombies. Watch them on YouTube nalang, the mayor would advise.
A public performance by the prisoners during the Sinulog would be a nightmare, in terms of security for the police and skin foundation and rouge supply for make-up artists. On second thought, with the gaunt look naturally sported by many Cebu provincial jail prisoners, not much make-up would be needed. People who board and lodge in Philippine prisons develop a look that would get them cast as zombies without the need for an audition.
I suggest that Byron tap Wenwen Zaspa to do the make-up of the lead dancers. Wenwen can cook up a look scary enough to send shivers down a chiropractic patient’s spine.
Byron Garcia reportedly has said that selected dancing inmates (no specific figure supplied) will be secured by 120 guards. It takes only one inmate who is missing his family or young boyfriend to break free from the formation and have guards chasing him to stir panic inside the sports center.
If Michael Jackson were dancing as lead, he would need at least 100 burly men to guard him closely, another 100 positioned strategically all over the sports center and one six-foot guy to carry the umbrella that would shield him from the rays of the sun while he danced.
Now, that would be a thriller at the sports center.
