Wednesday, January 09, 2008 Subtle moves By Zosimo T. Literatus, R.M.T. Breakthroughs
BEWARE of the dark side.
Anger, fear, aggression—these are the dark sides of the Force.
Easily they flow, and are quick to join you in a fight. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan’s apprentice. Remember Yoda of Star Wars?
Workplace hostility, and its need for some “sophistication,” makes direct assault more a taboo than the indirect means (gossip?).
This roundabout manner to inflect harm on others can take on various forms, and can be very damaging. One might gossip to a friend about a peer with the hope to have that person denied an invitation to a party that weekend. Or such moves as excluding other people from a social event, trying to convince others to dislike the other, or telling stories that damage another person’s reputation or humiliate them. It is social politics refined.
Social scientists Lauren Duncan and Ashli Owen-Smith observed that the use of indirect aggression is directly related to a person’s anxiety in her status in a particular relationship. When the relationship is too important to be compromised for a direct attack, both men and women use indirect aggression instead.
Dealing with subtle moves from your social circle requires self-confidence based on a sincere desire to maintain your inner peace and diffuse external conflicts proactively as well.
First, be confident that your aggressor cares for the relationship somehow and fears losing it.
Second, put the relationship in an objective light. Relationships are mutually entered into for good reasons. If the reasons cease, the basis for such a relationship ceases, too.
Be always free to walk out of a bad relationship if you need to. Emotional investments are highest in unhealthy relationships. The less emotional cost you incurred, the easier for you to let go.
Third, always stay loving. Make aggressive people feel loved, while keeping your freedom to move on without regret. Your consistency in loving them can assure them that you, too, value the relationship. You may motivate them to treat you accordingly. Yet love them by loving yourself first.
American civil rights activist Eldridge Cleaver counsels in Soul on Ice (1968): “The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.”
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