Thursday, January 10, 2008 So: Three pastors and Al Tantay By Michelle P. So Caught in the Net
MONDAY night, three television evangelists saved me from a troubled sleep but not from a troubled back. They seemed to know and feel my afflictions and they prayed for me. I prayed too, that sleep would come after the Al Tantay-Sarsi Emmanuel movie re-run ended.
For an hour or so I switched from Channel 17 to 18 then to 19 then 17 then 18 and back again. In each of these three channels, I was promised gifts and blessings in God’s kingdom if I stay tuned. I chanced upon them while searching for HBO and Jack TV on Cagayan de Oro’s cable.
Channel 17’s Pastor Nestor Cimafranca asked me to touch the TV screen so that he and I could be palm to palm and I would be healed. I did but only to check if the hotel’s housekeeping dusted the TV screen. The housekeeping should take a hint when they see my fingerprints.
Channel 18’s Pastor Apollo C. Quiboloy, telegenic and cool, answered questions and acknowledged praises sent in by his followers and read to him by a lady minister. He cited scriptures from the Bible, referred contact persons in areas where the concerned members of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ reside and said prayers for their intentions. This man, who proclaims himself the Appointed Son of God, knows the benefits of interactive preaching.
Channel 19’s Pastor Raul Ucab of the Divine Worship Service asked me to find a spouse who can raise a good family. What got my interest was not the topic but the drab drapes used as backdrop. They looked like the ones used in Tagalog horror movies.
The three guys kept me company until I hit upon a young and hot Al Tantay taking off his high-waist and pakigol denim cutoffs and dipping into the seawaters in his high-waist briefs. He was later joined by a fresh-looking Pepsi Paloma and both were being watched surreptitiously from the shore by Sarsi Emmanuelle. I knew then that the three pastors could never save me from my penchant for trashy Tagalog movie re-runs on cable.
Among the three evangelists, I spent more TV minutes on Quiboloy. He was the most engaging among the three and it helped that he was the only good-looking one among them. Unlike Ucab and Cimafranca, he did not monopolize TV time. He had two ministers, if they are called that, and a choir and the shots cut to them every now and then.
I could sing with the choir too because the lyrics crawled on the screen. If I were in Davao or in Manila, I would know which channel to go. (Nothing about a Cebu channel flashed on the screen.) If I wanted to ask Quiboloy a question, mobile and landline numbers were listed on the screen. I could promptly send a message to him and be promptly acknowledged by the Appointed Son of God. He could keep me tuned to his program the entire time. (Msgr. Jim and Fr. Aloy, I have not converted. I remain a lapsed Catholic.)
I met Quiboloy in April last year in his prayer mountain at the foothills of Mt. Apo in Tamayong, Davao City. From the people who milled around him and who wanted to be within his breathing space, I knew I had to have my picture taken with him. A month later, I listened to him preach and address his flock at the Kingdom-owned Jose Maria College in Davao City. I saw the people’s reaction to his presence. They behaved like they were seeing God, live. I behaved like a curious onlooker and tried to find answers to what made him click.
I found my answers that evening of May in Davao and last Monday night in Cagayan de Oro. Now, if only I could find some answers to why Catholic priests lull me to sleep during their homilies.
