Sunday, January 13, 2008 Singlestalk: Shriek! By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singlestalk
MICHELLE: “Dear Mic and DJ, I am an avid reader of your column. If other people have the horoscope to look forward to in reading a newspaper, I, on the other hand, have your column.”
That’s the opening of the e-mail from a reader who wishes to be called Fiona.
She says she feels like Fiona from the movie Shrek. You know, DJ, I am always happy and honored when someone takes the time to write us. It means that people other than our families, relatives and friends read our column! Anyway, Fiona’s dilemma is something some people might envy. Her dilemma involves two men. She’s in a new relationship with a Prince Charming, a great guy who epitomizes a girl’s dream guy.
She is also involved with another guy she calls “Shrek.” Because there was only “Shrek” until “Prince Charming” came along, I’d like to guess (no offense, Fiona) that maybe because “Shrek” looks like Shrek, Fiona fell for the good-looking “Prince Charming.” Well, even if Fiona’s real-life Shrek doesn’t look like an ogre, it is always possible that like any of the best of us, she can fall for the charms or be overwhelmed by the attention of a prince-charming-of-guy.
DJ: Fiona’s case can be a guy’s dilemma. Too many girls, too little time! The difference in the problem is the woman’s point of view. The solution is to deal with it fair and square. It starts by being true to both her Prince Charming and to Shrek, and to herself. I have met many people who always need to be in love. I dare say that those who profess they cannot live without romantic involvement often do not have big hearts or a mature capacity to love. Often, they are just addicted to romance. Will she continue on a relationship with the one who loves her or the one she loves? But is what she’s feeling really love or simply infatuation? Looking within her is a good place to start.
M: Two guys fighting over a woman says a lot about the woman especially when there are some women who would fight to their last breath just to get one guy to pay attention to them! Seriously, the problem isn’t with the men.
It’s with the woman. If a woman knows her essentials in a man, there is no reason to be in a quandary about who to pick among the many or few choices. Unfortunately, many don’t really know their essentials from their preferences. More often than not, some think that their preferences are essentials. That is what causes the dilemma. The dilemma of choosing between two or more leads to trouble. Why? Because some people cannot make choices, they end up with having not just relationship problems, but also fidelity issues. Being untrue to others makes one untrue to oneself.
DJ: There’s a process called evolution. Things happen. That explains why we guys tend to go into a cave when we’re thinking about something important.
This saves us from those jagged bloody bits of glass on our forehead. Usually, it’s better to decide on something when we are still. I suggest that she retreats from her predicament.
She mentioned that she and Shrek have already hurdled a lot of challenges.
This, too, shall pass. They will still live happily ever after. The question is whether they’ll be together or apart. She can also let Prince Charming know that she needs a time off. He might be an instrument for her to finally figure how important or inconsequential her current relationship is to her. Usually, the deciding factor to end or keep a relationship is the value we put into it, and how much we are willing to risk and sacrifice to keep it going. It starts with how much she loves herself to genuinely love another person.
M: Choosing one over another is always difficult. If you make a bad choice, you will have to learn to live with the consequences. If you make a good one, sometimes it is a result of having made several bad choices in the past and learning from those mistakes. As they say “experience is the best teacher.”
Anyway, DJ, Fiona e-mailed that she solved the problem by reorganizing her priorities and reevaluating her life in general.
DJ: That’s good. I had coffee earlier with a newly married friend. We resolved how important it is to be with someone who is imperfectly perfect for us. One thing Fiona needs to remember: very few people can really love us for who and what we are. Very few can take our weaknesses along with our strengths rolled together into one package. Before she even quits on Shrek and runs off with Prince Charming, she must have to be sure not only about them, but more importantly about herself. Love is not about feeling good all the time. Love also has its pain and sacrifices.
