Sunday, January 13, 2008 Women’s world: Overused ‘welcome mat’ By Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante & Cindy Ruiz Garaña, R.N. Women's world
Dear Cindy,
I’VE been an orphan since I was a teenager. Since then I’ve been living with my unmarried aunt and my grandparents on my mother side.
By nature, I’m a very hospitable person, but my companions at home have the exact opposite attitude when it comes to entertaining visitors. They don’t like overstaying visitors while I love my friends to stay long at home, make them selves comfortable, like they belong to the family.
My close friend often visits me at home, but my elders say negative comments. For example my aunt says, “That friend of yours stays too long. She wastes too much electricity” (we turn on the TV the moment my friend arrives) . . . eats too much of our food. She’s so annoying and irritating.” This hurts and I can’t stand it anymore!
My elders don’t know that when I visit my friend in her home, her parents warmly welcome me, treating me like their kin. I don’t want to hurt my friend, but should I tell her about my elders’ feelings? Or should I just keep this to myself and let her visit me again and again no matter what? What should I do to change my elders’ attitude?
Arriane
Dear Arriane,
Throughout our lives we will come across people who have different priorities in life or different ways of looking at the same situation. The challenge is for the two sides to be able to talk about their differences in a peaceful and loving way, and come to some sort of middle ground.
Yes, I agree with you that hospitality is important, but it is also important for you to try to understand your aunt’s and grandparents’ position. Both sides need to respect each other. It ought to be possible for you to be able to come to a reasonable agreement on what is a suitable level of hospitality to be offered to visitors. This will probably mean compromise on both sides.
Tolerance and patience with one another will be important and should always be a part of any relationship.
I don’t think you really need to talk to your friend about your problem until after you have come to some agreement with your aunt and grandparents. And then only if it is necessary because of the type of agreement you have reached. Please try to accomplish this with as much love and peace in your heart as possible.
God Bless,
Cindy
Ringing in the ear
Dear Dr. Dana,
I’m a big fan of your column because it gives people like me who don’t have medical background some useful information, which we can use in our daily lives.
I want to ask your advice about this problem of mine that has been bothering me for quiet some time now. A few weeks ago, I noticed a ringing in my ears. It’s a high-pitched sound that lasts for a few seconds then it goes away without me doing anything. Usually it only affects one ear at a time and it doesn’t happen all the time. I can say that it occurs once a week.
Since then, I’ve also noticed that I’ve become a little hard of hearing. I’ve caught myself reading the lips of the person I’m talking to because I sometimes have a hard time understanding what they are trying to say. But at the same time, I now use a lower volume level than I used to when I watch TV or listen to the stereo.
Is there something wrong with my hearing? Should I have my ears check by a professional? I thought I’d ask you first before I do anything that will cost me a lot of money. Most importantly, your advice is free. Thanks for your help. I hope you had a happy holiday.
Marydel
Dear Marydel,
That ringing in your ears means you’re suffering from tinnitus. It’s a fairly common condition, with sufferers hearing either ringing, buzzing, or humming noises in one or both ears, either on and off or continuously.
Almost all who suffer from tinnitus also have some hearing loss, either temporary or permanent. So you’re being a little hard of hearing is the usual effect of the ringing sound in your ear. Actually, there are many causes of tinnitus. It could be exposure to loud noises, impacted earwax, allergy, infection, or some medication you’re taking.
You did not mention any other medical condition you’re suffering from, or any illness that has triggered the tinnitus. So the most likely causes are the noise and earwax.
Have your doctor check if you have any impacted earwax in your ear canal that needs to be removed. To avoid such impaction in the future, when cleaning your ears don’t stick the cotton bud into the canal. Just clean the outer ear, and preferably don’t use a cotton bud, use a clean washcloth instead.
Lastly, do you live and/or work in an atmosphere of excessive noise? If so, this may have contributed to your condition. Try to change the level of noise around you, either by going directly to the source of the noise and getting rid of it, or if the noise is unavoidable, wear suitably noise-reducing or-canceling ear protection during exposure. High quality earplugs or earmuffs should do the trick.
I hope my advice helps. It may be free, but I trust it has value just the same.
Very truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante
Dana Ruiz-Sesante, M.D. owns and operates Ruiz Derma & Spa which offers a wide variety of beauty services. There are branches at SM City Cebu Ayala Center, SM-Cebu and other locations.
Cynthia Ruiz-Garaña, RN, supervises Ruiz Beauty and Healthcare Training Institute located at 132 Don Mariano Cui St., Capitol Site, Cebu City. E-mail them at ruizderma@yahoo.com
