Monday, January 28, 2008 Baumgart: Gluteal clefts and thongs By Elisabeth Baumgart inkblots
WHEN your gluteal cleft, or crudely known as “buttcrack”, innocently peeks out of your jeans, then we accept it because sometimes you just cannot stop it from peeking out. At some point in our jeans-wearing days, our gluteal cleft just has to burst out of the strict confines of our jeans.
But when your thong is practically popping out of your ultra-short-shorts, then that is just a different story altogether.
That, my dear readers, is a fashion, social and moral disaster all rolled into one scandalous package.
My friends and I agree that a little peek-a-boo show of underwear while wearing jeans (or whatever preferred lower garment) is relatively okay as long as it fits the entire get up-especially when some people desperately try to pull off the whole “rocker chick” slash the, ugh, Avril Lavigne wannabes.
But not the least bit do we actually support the whole idea of flaunting your underwear. For one thing, the garment is not called “underwear” for nothing. You are supposed to wear it underneath your lower garment of choice. I guess this is the wonderful fact that Superman never heard of.
Of course, by the little peek-a-boo show, we mean just an extremely tiny hint of underwear peeking out and nothing more. And we don’t mean your entire underwear sticking out for the whole world to ogle at.
But some people out there in the big, bad jungle of the real world seem to have failed to get the memo on how to dress appropriately.
They just love to dress in extremely strange ways that are either incredibly mind-boggling (“What is she wearing?”) or so scandalous that make onlookers cringe (“Oh. She’s wearing only a handkerchief.”).
Normally, I have nothing against people who dress in their own eccentric ways, because that’s their thing. Go out and wear a flowerpot for all I care.
But when underwear is just popping out all over the place, then I just have to put my foot down, pull out a bazooka and play fashion police.
If I have to shoot, then I shall shoot.
During one of the Sinulog parties, it took all willpower to stop myself from shooting down a drunken dancing fashion disaster in all her underwear-popping glory.
For one thing, our table was more covered up than she was.
And another thing, her underwear (which approximately reached the small of her back) looked horrible.
Lacy underwear should by no means ever be flaunted. Never. Ever. Especially in demoralizing tiny shorts that could actually pass off as an underwear itself.
In any case, the world is better off, if in the end, nobody decides to flaunt their underwear.
Superman and girl-with-the-high waist-thong, please pay attention.
