Sunday, March 23, 2008 Lim: Dead or alive By Melanie T. Lim Wide Awake
MANY people are afraid of the dead. I am not one of them.
I don’t mean dead bodies. By the dead, I mean the souls of the departed. I often ask others what they fear of the dead. And often, they are unable to articulate the root of their fears. I can only surmise that their fears stem from the unknown.
What happens to us when we die? Do we cease to exist? Or do we continue to roam the world in another form? Do we hover over our loved ones? Or do we stalk those who have treated us badly and make them pay dearly?
For me, there is nothing to fear of the dead so long as you have not wronged them. Why be afraid of the dead? Won’t we be one of them one day? I am quite friendly with the souls of the departed. I call on them regularly to help me when I am alone and defeated.
I have called on both sets of grandparents constantly to help me many times over. Many people think me strange for doing so. They ask if I am not terrified of calling on those who have departed. But why would I be afraid of my own grandparents?
I am most comfortable as a nocturnal creature. The dark does not terrify me. Neither does the silence. I like being wide awake when the rest of the city sleeps. I work uninterrupted. And I can almost pretend to be alone and only with the souls of the departed (who have, by the way, never disturbed me). In many and most instances, the dead have, in fact, behaved much better than those who are alive.
I’ve always told my family that when I die, I will come back—no matter what. They tell me it’s impossible to do that and the more they tell me that it cannot be done, the more I am determined to find a way to get it done. Well, only time will tell if I will eventually find a way to achieve eternity.
This is probably why now, my niece fears me more—dead than alive.
Perhaps that is why I am not afraid of the dead. I feel a certain affinity with them even though I have not yet joined them. I have dreamt of dead members of the family before and I don’t recall ever having been afraid of them in my dreams.
It doesn’t bother me that souls of the departed may hover over me. If they do so, then they must do so for a reason. I look on them as angels sent by God to keep me company, to comfort me, to help me in my time of need. One day, I hope to be one of them hovering over Earth as well.
So though I am a real pain to live with, my family would now rather have me alive than dead. I think they are too afraid that I will cause more havoc dead than alive. Although it is not my intention to do so, I find I am still intimidating to most people—dead or alive.
It’s hilarious really. Why would I be more terrifying dead than alive? Unless you have wronged me, you have nothing to fear. Of course, if you have done me wrong, you should fear me—dead or alive. Now, you know why I instill fear even in the hearts of those dear to me. Imagine how you should feel if you are not dear to me. Now that is something to be truly terrified about.
