Sunday, May 11, 2008 Mothers all By Jenara Regis Newman
THROUGH centuries, mothers have nurtured their families. But different times call for different ways of coping with the task of mothering. We asked three generations of mothers – Eloisa Nolasco Fernann (widow of the late chief justice and senator Marcelo “Celing” Fernan), her daughter Marget Fernan Villarica, and granddaughter Michele Marie “Miki” Villarica – how their “mothering” has been.
Elo: I had a sheltered life and my children also had a sheltered life. I have nine children – Marissa, Marget, Maur, Memel, Marcel, Mitoy, Mike and Manny. Eleven actually, but one died in childbirth and another I miscarried. It was easier for me then because I was fortunate to have good house help. I still have them now. My children find it hard to cope with three! I was a stay-at-home mom until my kids were already in school. Then Celing would ask me to go to the office in the morning to see how the office worked, what we had, what we didn’t have.
We were much stricter, too. Before going to school, the kids had to fix their own beds. Air conditioning was used only in summer or on very hot days. It was only when they went to school in Manila and did not have air conditioning that they understood the reason for this. Celing would also have parameters of what they could do. I was mediator.
Marget: I am a working mom. My mom would always say that what I’m doing now is something she could never have done. Wives also have to survive, to go with the times. Both husband and wife have to earn a living because of the high cost of maintaining a family – I have only three kids: Carlo, Miki and Monica. We’re more liberated, more open. We encourage our children to be more expressive of their views. The only tradition from Mom and Dad that I do practice is always to have time for a family get-together. Something we’re still doing and looking forward to.
Elo: When they were small, we made it a point to got to Mass together on Saturday and spend Sundays at the beach.
Marget: These get-togethers I have passed on to my children and now, even if they are working or furthering their studies, they still look forward to them. We’re strict to a certain degree. We’re lucky that all our children are well-behaved. We also make sure they all finish college and we support them if they want to pursue further studies.
Miki: It’s different for me I guess, a single parent. Not what they expect. Leah (her one-year-old daughter) lives with my parents because I study in Manila, taking up law at the Ateneo. Every time I come home, I spend time with her. I would give Leah the same kind of mothering my mother gave me.
Marget: We don’t want Leah grow up not recognizing her mother or not wanting to be with her. So Miki comes home once a month to have bonding time with her.
Three mothers and three different ways to coping with motherhood, each of them setting up standards and values for their children to emulate. Elo amphasized strong spiritual; values and honesty. For Marget, it’s integrity, respect, close-knit family ties. For Mili, this early in her motherhood, it’s perseverance and hard work, something she herself is practicing. Each of them has every reason to be happy on Mother’s Day today, for nurturing job being well done.
