Sunday, May 18, 2008 Luab: Allowing helpers to move on By Evelyn R. Luab light sunday
ONE of my favorite helpers left me last Wednesday to move on.
She was with me for what seemed like endless summers. She helped me take care of my husband during his final moments and she stayed with me at the hospital when I had a laparoscopy done on me. She accompanied me in my flights outside the city of Cebu, too. In short, she was always there when I needed her.
When she came to tell me that she was getting married, I was happy for her. When she said she would only take two weeks off this June 28 for her scheduled wedding, I was elated to find that she wasn’t resigning from her job. However, it seems her plans and my plans were just not meant to be.
Her husband-to-be started setting down rules for her to follow. He works as a security guard at one of our city’s piers. One of the rules he insisted on was that on her day off, she would sleep at his place and not obey my house rules. We have curfew at 10 p.m. for anyone on her day off. Of course I said “no!”
He insisted that she resign and she tearfully did. I, however, insisted on bringing her home to her parents. What she would do next would be up to her and her parents. True to my word, I brought her home. Whether she stayed with her parents or went back to her boyfriend’s place, I don’t anymore know. The last I heard of her and her parents were their voices: each trying to insist on what they wanted to be done.
Going back to the city gave me enough time to reflect.
Life never stands still. We all have to move out of our comfort zones. I thought I would have Cecil (not her real name) with me for sometime still. I forgot that Cupid makes no exceptions when he lets go of his arrows of love.
The permissiveness we feel all around us reaches all levels of society. Living-in is not the sole plaything of the West. We have learned to play the game, too.
What hit me, however, is that in the final analysis nothing in life is permanent. Our children grow up, get married and get emerged in their own ocean of love.
Our employees do not stay with us forever. Even if the pay is competitive, circumstances beyond our control — like a coming marriage, a better offer of pay elsewhere, a trip abroad — could entice them to leave.
Perhaps it’s time for us to look at reality. Let’s take one long hard look at our domestic helpers. We have to help them make something of their lives, too. They cannot remain domestic helpers forever. For those who want to study at night, why not? Believe me, it is very gratifying to hear someone say, “Ma’am, I am now a teacher in Barangay Tubod” Nasipit or anywhere else.
Another helper I know opened a sari-sari store in her place. Her mom is attending to it while she is still at her other regular work. When she retires ,she will have something to depend on.
Actually, when it comes to reality, our helpers are our best friends. Now that my husband has passed away, I am surrounded by very loyal and loving helpers. They see to my food, my clothes, and my general well-being. They worry about me when I come home late, and they laugh and cry with me over life’s joys and sorrows.
I guess for those of us who treat our helpers like decent human beings, like friends who are there to share the burden of work with us, they become our second family.
I shall miss Cecil. I pray that she will be happy in the path she has chosen. However, I guess the gift we can give our helpers is to let them go when it is time for them to leave. The right thing for us to do is to wish them Godspeed and to remain their friends for life.
