Sunday, July 20, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Of lawyers and relationships By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: DJ, you’ve been sick for three days! You need to rest and de-stress. Why don’t I cheer you up and tell you about lawyers and lasting relationships?
DJ: (makes no sound, nods weakly, too tired to resist)
M: You know what, it may have occurred to some that lawyers don’t make for good partners. And I’m not talking about a law firm. I know it’s reckless to make a sweeping generalization especially when there’s no hard evidence to support my claim. But based on observations and conversations with fellow lawyers, it seems that we don’t raise the bar when it comes to personal relationships. There are many lawyers whose marriages are annulled or on the rocks. Just a month ago, a classmate in law school (also married to a lawyer) mentioned that many of our batch mates’ marriages are annulled or are in the process of being annulled. Might it be that there is an inherent character trait of an attorney that makes for a bad significant other? Consider the qualities that make a lawyer: aggressive, assertive, and argumentative and that’s just letter “A.” Lawyers are said to be mostly type A personalities. Wikipedia defines people who fall under Type A as those who exhibit characteristics such as being impatient, excessively time-conscious, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. Type A individuals are often high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about the smallest of delays. Although Type A personalities may exhibit some or all of these characteristics, it does not mean that a person with a type A personality is incapable of showing love, affection or other types of non-pessimistic behavior.
DJ: (mutters “I think I have signs of a type A personality”)
M: Lawyers are not solely to be blamed for exhibiting those characteristics. The state of justice (or injustice) in our country can certainly take its toll. Clogged court dockets, protracted litigations, long winded arguments and the slow wheels of justice that sometimes grind to a complete stop can make anyone develop a burning hostility not to mention a fierce countenance. And it’s worse for female lawyers. The stereotypes that they are domineering, combative and strong-willed can make the less-than-brave (usually non-lawyer) guys decide to remain in the sidelines. The truth of the matter is that deep down, female lawyers are soft and sweet. Although there are always exceptions to the rule! A single female prosecutor once lamented the dearth of good men whom she can go out with on a “friendly date.” I think men don’t want to get too friendly with a prosecutor as it might lead to a date in court.
DJ: (nods in agreement)
M: Male lawyers have a distinct advantage when it comes to having relationships. It is a plus point for a woman to be dating or to be married to a lawyer. As proof of the disadvantage female lawyers have in the relationship arena, I know of a female lawyer — single, sexy, bright and beautiful who is still unattached while another male lawyer I know — not sexy, not that bright and certainly not beautiful, dating several women. He must be good with his mouth. Lawyers are smooth talkers. Lawyers are also supposed to be experts in persons and family relations but it’s sad when they themselves are not civil with their families or are remiss in their obligations and family contacts. If we work to get justice for our clients, we should not forget to be compassionate to our families and loved ones. If we champion the search for truth, we must live in truth and walk in the light. To sustain good and lasting relationships, it’s not enough that we know the law but that we learn to live purpose-driven, God-centered lives.
DJ: So, that’s how lawyers relate. Next time, let me tell you about call center people.
