Sunday, July 27, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Reunion By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: These past few weeks, 24 of my batch mates and I were busy learning and practicing our dance number for our high school’s jubilee homecoming. Reuniting with old (but young looking) classmates is a fun and happy occasion. Reminiscing about high school is entertaining especially that we’ve outgrown our teenage angst! But when it comes to love relationships, for people who are wondering about reconciling, is it always smart to try again with an ex? The answer depends on a few factors, but one thing is clear: History that’s ignored is doomed to repeat itself. Unless your name is Peaches and your ex’s name is Herb, reuniting doesn’t always feel so good. In her book, Lost and Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances, psychologist Nancy Kalish acknowledged the powerful hold that lost loves have over our lives, but found that there are mixed results for such reunions. The biggest lesson might be this: Don’t ignore the past. Focus on why you broke up in the first place. If you aren’t sure, spend time alone and think about it before you renew a commitment.
DJ: I do believe we need to do all that we can to salvage whatever’s left to keep the relationship going or better yet, think many times before starting with it all over again. We just have to know the threshold to see that investing more time and energy is already like watching paint dry --- slow and pointless. There really are gaps that can’t be filled even by logic or by feelings of love. To put it simply, some relationships are not meant to last. There really are so many possible reasons why the relationship did not work or won’t work again.
M: There’s a saying “once bitten, twice shy.” Make sure your eyes are wide open going in the second time around. If you do decide to try again, here are some questions that you might want to answer before you relight the fire and get burned twice: One:Can you forgive and move on? If not, past baggage will keep you from trusting again. Two:What will be different with both of you this time around? Make sure you are clear about how you’ll both be able to meet each other’s partnership needs. Three: Are you missing your ex or just missing being in love? Reuniting out of fear or loneliness is never a good idea. Two broken people don’t equal a whole. Four: On some level, do you just want what you can’t have? If there’s some element of the chase that’s appealing to either of you again, stop. Love of the chase wears off fast. Make sure there’s mutual respect, love, and support. Five: Will you avoid falling back into old patterns? A new start requires new rules so you need to forge new ways of interacting.
DJ: At times I wonder why some people look at being in a relationship as a guarantee to happiness. Like almost all things in life, being happy is a choice. One can still be miserable whether one is in or out of a relationship. It can be difficult to be weighed down by the clutter of things, relationships and situations that are not essential. Besides, an ending can be another beginning. Someone once said that the minute we choose to do what we really need to do; it’s a different kind of life. But there is no wrong so hurtful that it cannot be forgiven. Besides, we may have been wronged this time but in one way or the other, we have wronged others too. So do all you can to awaken to the present. Then life will stop repeating itself.
M: That’s right. Unlike high school reunions where memories of high school misadventures, teenage torments and adolescent anguish bring bittersweet and sometimes funny memories and make for amusing anecdotes, reuniting with exes or past loves does not always make for a better future relationship. So take things slowly. By showing your potentially rekindled relationship careful consideration, you will demonstrate the kind of maturity that can make you a valuable partner. Maybe then reuniting really will feel good.
