Sunday, August 17, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Fling vs. real thing By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: How do you really know if it is lust or love? I read somewhere that in a lifetime the average person falls in love at least four times. But is it really love? I know a couple who were already planning their wedding. But when the girl left for a vacation abroad, the guy went out with someone else.
When his girlfriend came back, he seemed to lose interest in her (the girlfriend). When she found an earring in his car and later heard that he was fooling around, she started investigating and cross examined him endlessly. He denied everything. The guy’s fling is pinning hopes on the couple’s break-up but the girlfriend won’t give her the satisfaction until she wrings the truth out of the guy. Mission impossible, I think.
DJ: Whose mission is impossible? But seriously, there is a certain point in a relationship when a couple no longer spends so much time gauging where they stand with each other.
Third party? There’s always the possibility. But a stable relationship spends more of its bandwidth adjusting to its condition than being on its wits’ end trying to make things work. There will always be differences but they don’t always have to be as serious as molecular biology.
M: Being honest with each other in a relationship is very important. And it is also important that you get to know the person properly before you commit yourself. How well do you know each other?
Good signs: You talk openly about life issues. You can argue and come to some sort of compromise at the end of it. You are honest with each other about your feelings.
Warning signs: You are afraid to ask him in-depth questions about his life for fear of rejection or what you might find out. You don’t discuss how you are feeling with each other and possibly ends up resenting each other. Neither of you is willing to forgive one another. You only know his favorite color.
DJ: If his favorite color is his true color, still not a bad thing to know. By then, it’s just a matter of choice: stay or say “bye-bye!” I know it’s easier said than done. But come to think of it, she can find fault in his being unfaithful but not his presence on her (girlfriend) dreaming hours! She can still choose to wake up and either take him or leave him.
M: I don’t believe a long lasting relationship or marriage can survive without love. So is it love or are you just kidding yourself? A real relationship is about friendship, respect, and acceptance of one another. When there is lack of respect for the other, trust and respect is replaced by suspicion and can slowly grow to hatred.
If it’s still not clear to you if what you have is a fling or a real thing, take a breather, think about what you want, sit down and talk. And if you don’t agree with each other on where your relationship is going or not going, let go and move on.
DJ: I agree. If a relationship is going nowhere fast, one can blame the full moon, the weather or even the heat of the moment. But ultimately, life is like a box full of choices. Nothing is certain. The most one can do is to be discerning enough to know which choice to make or break. What one can’t leave, one should take. What one can’t take, one should leave. Anyone who stands in truth and are clear about it can face the consequence with courage. And he or she will always get by with a smile.
