Sunday, August 31, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Stuff laugh By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: A good friend came over last week for a visit and she told me about her relationship dilemma. She’s seeing someone who she thinks is an ideal guy – sweet, responsible, dependable, funny and more importantly, in love with her. Her problem is she doesn’t think she’s really in love with him. Why? It’s because although she’s happy when they’re alone together, she isn’t comfortable taking him to social occasions or being seen with him if her friends are around.
She was honest enough to admit that she thinks the guy might be an embarrassment to her as his grammar isn’t that great and he might commit a social faux pax. I told her she’s not in love. And to be fair to the guy, to tell him that their relationship is not going any further.
DJ: At least he doesn’t drool. And he doesn’t have killer instincts about women. Figuratively — or worse, literally! Come on. Who is perfect? OK, he’s got “twangy” English lines forced down the tongues of Speech Power dropouts. But judging a person primarily on the strength of his grammar is a hacking cough to my logic.
I happen to know couples who speak good English but can only manage to share with one another information about their experiences; never the experiences themselves. I think it’s not really whether his subject agrees with his predicate. What’s ultimately important is they’re picking up each other’s frequency.
M: Some women hang on to their relationships even if they’re not sure about the guy or where the relationship is heading. My friend’s dilemma was how to let go of a guy she thinks is a good person. He takes care of her and her needs while she’s home away from home. I told her it’s difficult to expect someone take care of you if you don’t care for that other person too.
A relationship is a two-way street. You can’t always just give or always just take. Unfortunately, many are in a relationship for the wrong reasons, hoping to make things right in their lives. Sometimes a relationship is so convenient that even major inconveniences are set aside just to continue making life as convenient as possible. But are they truly happy?
DJ: Just a question. Is it really grammar? Or is it really her own insecurities on what other people might say? How significant is this sticky social web in her options to stay or leave? Friends might find his grammar kind eeww, but heck, she can still choose to shoot for the bliss without having to put too much weight on what the nay-sayers think.
Besides, those who matter don’t mind. And those who mind don’t matter. That is if she loves herself enough, that she’s already beyond the dizzying-me-years, and is already willing and able to truly love him. Even if he confuses his Ps with his Fs!
M: Love is not enough to glue together a relationship for life. What more if there is a lack of love in a relationship? I had to tell my friend that she was using the guy as a crutch to get through life. She had been badly hurt before so I can understand where she’s coming from in trying to hold on to a good thing, to a good guy. No one should be used as a crutch to prop one up during relationship ruts. When healing time comes, a crutch isn’t needed anymore.
And if one continues using a crutch even when one is healed, there will come a time when the crutch becomes a burden, not an aid. We have to be healed and be whole before we can even think of completing another person. “You complete me” is just a cheesy line from Jerry Maguire and rarely works in real life. We cannot expect others to carry us all through life. We have to learn to stand on our own. And when we can, then we can ask someone to stand with us.
DJ: Ultimately, if his grammar does not kill her, it’ll make her stronger! Her only obligation in this world is to live her purpose. The rest are just expectations that clutter what could have been a simple life. This world might have evolved to be everything about business, money, achievements but there’s still a place for wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve.
Enjoy every moment for what it brought forth instead of judging or wanting otherwise. Who knows? His grammar might be the stuff that makes her laugh. And she might end up even so much happier!
