Sunday, October 05, 2008 Luab: Women do chatter By Evelyn R. Luab light sunday
MOST of us cannot stand shrill voices that go on and on like the leading lady in The Nanny.
I remember my grandfather would quiet us down with one word: alingisig! (I think it means irritatingly noisy!)
My mom was such a lady that my sister and I learned early in life that a lady never shouts or screams! Of course, we had our pressure valves at games in school where we enjoyed opening our "control valves" during volleyball or baseball games.
When I started teaching classes of about 40 to 45 students, I learned to project my voice so that the last row of students at the back would hear me.
As much as possible I tried not to shout because I remembered a principal who told us that we must distance ourselves from the image of their (i.e. students) mothers.
I suppose he believed that most mothers nag. Whether we like to admit it or not, most wives, most mothers repeat themselves ever so often.
The excuse we often give is “but they never listen!” To this, my late husband would raise his eyebrows and snort: “Who listens when you sound like a broken record?” To take the sting out of his statement he would mimic what I normally do.
To him I would say, “Our Holy Mass for your brother is at 8:15 a.m. on Sunday.”
In the next breath I would say to our eldest, “Make sure you attend the 8:15 a.m. mass on Sunday with us.”
To the other daughters: “We will have breakfast after the 8:15 mass on Sunday for your Dad’s brother.” (An anniversary the family commemorates.)
Finally, to everyone I would say, “What time do you want me to wake you up on Sunday for the 8:15 mass?” With a wink my husband would leave me to ponder on how at times I do nag.
Actually, young girls and boys, one clue as to how to choose your partner is to put yourselves to a test.
Can both of you sit quietly in comfort, content to be in the company of each other without having to make idle or worthless talk? If you can do that – great. That’s a very good sign of peace in the home.
Or can the two of you converse on almost any topic even the whole day if need be, without arguing, respecting each other’s thoughts, learning from each other’s minds and being content with picking each other’s minds? That, too, is a good sign!
When an explosive anger is about to break, can either one of you allow the anger to explode without reacting, allowing the anger to subside before talking about the reason for the anger, before giving an explanation of sorts, before putting up reasons why there was no reason to explode? If you can do that, you are worth keeping.
Women as a rule love to talk (myself included). Even when the evening has gone well into the night, we enjoy talking to a back that is facing us.
Finally, that back turns around and an arm pulls us close and a sleepy voice asks lightly, “Hon, aren’t you sleepy yet?” Most wives know that it's time to go to sleep.
Maybe this can be something that marketing giants should take into consideration.
We notice that salesmen, in order to promote products at malls, have demonstration stalls set up where they talk non-stop. Do people stop to listen? How about keeping those stalls still open with salesmen just ready to answer questions when people do stop by to inquire? Wouldn’t that be a better approach? We women hate chatter boxes, too, from the male department. The general comment is “maorag dili man lalaki!” (He acts so unlike a man!)
Dear, women, take note! We will just have to learn to erase the notion that the majority of us are really known to chatter! To go back to the male leading actor in The Nanny, he says in exasperation: “Why do I find a woman’s endless chatter so irritating?”
Perhaps we should take our cue from that remark! Nothing beats a soft, modulated voice that comes out in intelligent conversation.
