Sunday, October 05, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Forbidden fruit doctrine By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: Here’s something really ironic: single people acting like they’re married to their boyfriends or girlfriends. And married people (especially men) passing themselves off as single and cavorting as if they were free and unattached, with no wife and kids waiting for them at home.
This led me to formulate the “doctrine of the forbidden fruit.” What makes people get attracted to or fascinated with something that is forbidden?
DJ: Both men and women alike are intrigued by what they can’t have, are absorbed by the challenge of forbidden fruit or grapes on a high vine. We climb mountains, simply because they are there.
There’s always that insatiable desire for something new, untried or untested. Why do we like to travel? How many pairs of shoes does a woman have? And how often does one change his or her mobile phone?
M: That which is forbidden or out of reach is usually exciting, challenging. Why do guys fight for the affection of one woman who is spoken for to another man but ignore a single, available female? It may be because the available female is a be-yotch and has an attitude problem. But it’s more likely that because no one seems to be interested in her, other men don’t mind her as well.
DJ: There really are people whose existence we know but never think about. Like the atmosphere. It’s not mainly because they’re not visually attractive or because they aren’t forbidden. Most likely, it’s because they’re just a copy of a person they try to become. They’re not unique. There’s no longer a point of difference.
Hey, be honest. Not all women are pretty. But there are those who are attractive mainly because they have a wicked sense of humor to match and great sets of personalities. These are women who make the most of who they are and what they know.
M: All the propaganda in the world tells women to “keep your man,” or “jump through the fire for your man,” but I think sometimes our attitude should be “if you want to go, I’ll help you pack.”
Healthy, mutual respect is the best immune system in a relationship. It also helps keep the fire burning.
The harsh truth sometimes is if that one partner or significant other strays, it’s probably because the other person has become boring. Or maybe because the grass is greener, healthier, younger, more toned or flexible on the other side of the fence. Isn’t there a saying that goes something like “old cows prefer young grass”?
DJ: Generally speaking? Even the young cows! But seriously, a girl doesn’t have to be distant or inaccessible for her to become attractive Of course, it’s a bit uncomfortable to be with someone who is like a girlfriend to every musician ever to strum a guitar. Not that kind. Rabid tendencies might be a problem.
So is unsuitable ideology. But the point is, even if she checks the contents of her gums while sharing a supposedly romantic dinner with you, at least she can also deal with the spinach in between your teeth. No one is really perfect. What’s more important is one has an open heart space to love and a wise mind to match.
M: Unconditional acceptance is a myth. Healthy relationships require a mutual willingness to challenge and be challenged. Getting married does not mean morphing into a single person with the same interests, hobbies, and friends. If your partner is not allowed to have a life of his or her own, he or she will eventually become resentful.
Quality communication is the heart of intimacy (some of you might think it was sex!). If you’re confused about what constitutes a high-intimacy dialogue, here’s a clue: it centers on feelings, not information. If you don’t care enough to become an interesting partner, if you fail to connect with your partner emotionally, you might as well be abandoning him or her. And giving them more reason to try the forbidden fruit.
DJ: The lure of the illicit is strong. But the lure of transcendence — of going against the grain, of just simply being true to oneself — is greater. There isn’t always a need to search further for grapes on a high vine, for something that isn’t there.
In the ordinary is where he or she might just be. We just need to wake up and he or she becomes special. Smell the coffee, dude. Wake up, princess. The best things in life are not forbidden. They’re always said to be free.
