Sunday, October 12, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Dig and dump By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: I saw an article in the Internet “Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig.” The guy dug you, you dug him, and the whole thing felt destined for a happy-ever-after.
Out of nowhere, he bailed out of the relationship. What went wrong? Maybe nothing. Or as the author says, there are five completely ridiculous reasons why guys bolt out of the relationship. The firs reason: timing is off. Single women get serious when they meet the right man. Single men get serious with whomever they happen to be dating when they’re finally ready to settle down.
DJ: But don’t they mean almost the same thing? One gets serious when she meets the right person.
The other one gets serious when he’s ready to settle down. Sounds fair to me.
It’s really when we make sweeping generalizations that things begin to have the twist and turns of a soap opera. All generalizations are false. Including this one.
Pain is almost always an inherent part of any relationship. It is very much part of the process of making it real. Sometimes, they’re often cathartic, even chaotic. And it is okay to cool things off if it’s not working and will never work.
M: Wait till you here the second reason: Upgrading. As is with computers, cellular phones, and other gadgets, single men tend to be one-uppers.
It means that if there’s a possibility of upgrading what they already have for something better, they would not hesitate to upgrade. Now, that’s really downgrading for the woman who’s left behind.
In addition to their opportunistic tendencies (the author’s words), most guys feel compelled to put as many relationship conquests under their belts as possible. Why?
DJ: We never know. These guys might have really said no. But these women just did not listen! But seriously, Mic, who is not really up to a possible upgrade?
I also hear about some women who change their men as quickly as the hybrid BMW 5 Series changes its model. Truth is, love seizes to be just a feeling once we grow older. And it is when we become wiser when love also becomes a decision.
Yes, one’s feeling is always part of the equation. But ultimately, leaving is a decision one has to make. So is staying. I’m not trying to over simplify things.
I also believe that the harder choice often is the correct one. But here’s the thing. Some of life’s difficult questions have easy answers. What we only need to do is to own it and deal with its possible consequence. Because if we really can’t make up our mind, even life’s seemingly easy questions will always have difficult answers.
If life really hands you calamansi, at times the best solution is to make calamansi juice.
M: Agree or disagree with me on the third reason: “guys are fixated on the worst-case scenario.”
The article cites that from the time the woman chastises/nags the guy for something he did wrong to those instances where the woman eats a whole pint of ice cream without stopping to breathe, guys file each incident in a mental folder labeled “Evidence She’ll Change for the Worse.”
They then flip through that file whenever they’re trying to decide if they want to hang on to the relationship. Single men are said to be “hyperaware” of what could go wrong down the road.
So that even if a guy is crazy about you now, they panic that you’ll pack on the pounds and nag them day and night!
DJ: Oh well, hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. But seriously, every relationship hits a plateau. And sometimes it’s not a plateau anymore. It’s the end.
How long a couple is dating together shouldn’t always be a gauge whether the relationship is worth saving.
Okay, a blessed relationship is never free from complexities embroidered with pain and sacrifice.
But it’s also important to know when to back off, and start spending one’s time with people one is happy to be with. Change comes with acceptance.
Love is not only expressed by hanging on. Love is also expressed by letting go. Now, tell me more about reasons four and five.
