Monday, October 26, 2008 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Kill bells By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares singles talk
Michelle: I read an article about career killers that could also be potential relationship killers. Committing to avoid this list of career — and if I may add relationship–killers, which often result in hearing the feared words “you’re fired” again or “I need space” or “let’s cool off” —may help one balance his or her whole life.
The following “killers” that could hurt a relationship are Pride, Envy, Anger, Imbalance and Lust.
DJ: These are kill bells; warning signs that can hurt or even end a relationship.
What’s worse is they can also be concealed. Once there was a story of a young boy who asked: “Is it true, dad, that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
His dad replied, “That happens in most countries, son.”
Yup. I know of some couples who seem to get along well. Perfect relationship? Most likely they’re merely avoiding a possible clash. All foam. No beer.
In time, one might end up already being reminded of the sea every time they see each other. Is it because one is wild, unpredictable or romantic? Nah. It’s because he or she is already making him or her sick! Now, tell me more about the killers.
M: Having too much pride can cause the downfall of any relationship. You may win the battle, but lose the war, as when one always insists on having the last word but ending up losing the one you love.
Envy, as with jealousy or greed, is destructive and can adversely impact your own ability to focus on the relationship. Becoming envious of others can sabotage your self esteem. So what if the other woman looks like Megan Fox and you, Chicken Pox?
Remember, outer beauty without inner beauty is a sham. Anger is something that needs to be held in check to have a successful relationship.
If anger breeds nothing but disagreement, dispute, tension or conflict, it provides no benefit in a relationship. It’s fine to feel passionately about one’s beliefs or to fight for one’s principles but remember one can disagree without being disagreeable.
DJ: And here’s how we can get even when the situation is odd:
1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. I got that somewhere. Because as what people often say, when two egotists meet, it’s an “I for an I.” Weigh the reasons for staying against the potential of going. Relationship over preference.
Think a lot of times before you give up on a deep and meaningful relationship only because of her dance moves that are not so from this decade.
2. List down your non-negotiable. Then you will also know what you can compromise. And be prepared to go the distance. A wise English proverb once said that a man can’t have his Kate and Edith, too.
3. Take the high road. You can’t always have what’s right. Sometimes you’ll have to take what’s left. The deeper is one’s love, the greater is the cost. Be real. It’s only when one is true to one’s self that one can also truly love another person without condition.
M: More isn’t always better, especially if you’re not ready for the challenge at hand. In your career, it’s important to ensure that you are not only professionally ready to take on a new and bigger challenge, for which expectations are equally bigger, but also that your personal life is ready for the new demands and strains that could be placed upon it. And in relationships, if you’re life is unbalanced it can create problems for you and your partner.
Lust is not just about sex. It can also be an overly intense desire for something in the relationship or being chronically dissatisfied with your current relationship.
DJ: Ultimately, whatever life puts us through, grace will get us through. Even in our relationships. Focus on what is already there instead of always looking for what’s missing. Take pleasure from small offerings. Be content. Have a love for life. Just remember, we’re all unique. And that’s what we all have in common.
