Sunday, November 02, 2008 Luab: A reflection on cemetery visits By Evelyn R. Luab Light Sunday
A GREAT number of us, if not, all of us flock to the cemetery on Nov. 1 to pay our big visit to those dear to us. By big visit I mean baskets and baskets of flowers, special ones at that, and very decorative candles.
Some bring food and eat supper at the cemetery. I guess most of us would like to think that our loved ones are now saints in heaven. And why not? After all Jesus, the son of God died on the cross to save us. I guess we have many saints up there, some with a big “S” and others with a small “s.”
This year we will be making two big visits to Rod, my husband. One on Nov. 1, and another on Nov. 3. He passed away on Nov. 3 two years ago. Time does pass rather quickly but the “missing” and the “hurting” are still as strong as ever especially on these two dates.
No amount of the Power of Now insights or The New Earth insights help my family on these two dates. The children still miss his infectious enthusiasm as he shouts from the car: “Pack your things. We are going traveling.”
Most of the time, the children do pack hurriedly because they know that every car travel with Dad was an adventure. We could wind up in Bacolod, Dumaguete, Iloilo, or any where else. Many times the car would get loaded on a barge and we’d find ourselves driving along new streets, seeing new sights.
I am very sure widows like me know that memories on Nov. 1, good healthy memories, often bring tears or an intense wish to bring back those days even if we’ve been told often enough not only by Eckhart Tolle, by Oprah and by several other writers that we must let the past go and live in the now. However, even these famous personalities will neither begrudge our wistful thinking nor our warm happy memories on Nov. 1.
We widows, like Joe Ocubillo, Lily Colipapa and others, often tease ourselves or console ourselves with: “Ah, I’m sure our husbands are looking down at us and they are now in the bosom of a loving God. They also are in a place where there are no more pains, no more worries, just complete peace and happiness.” When we think along these lines then it becomes easy to be happy for them, to let go without clinging, to thank God for putting them under His wings.
All of us, and I mean all of us, will one day join them. When? We don’t know.
However, the gospels at Mass lately have been speaking about having to be prepared for the day when the Groom would arrive or that we have to be fruitful otherwise like the fig tree which did not bear fruit we would be cut down and burned as useless trees.
When I look back and reflect and observe the ways of many people, there is one distinction that clearly delineates two types of persons. One is the giver and the other is the taker.
In Cebuano we call the takers as ang nagpatara lang (people who do not budge to lift a helping hand). Like Juan Tamad, they just wait for the guavas to fall into their laps.
Oh, we have plenty of those. They are sometimes called parasites, friends who do not respect boundaries or friends who abuse our friendship.
The givers are the generous souls, the concerned and compassionate disciples of Christ who think nothing of sharing their food or their shirt. They go out of their way to help even a stranger.
Actually, a cemetery visit can be a place where we can be awakened to the temporary time we live on earth. Such being the case, because it is temporary, maybe, just maybe, we can try to make life better for the living, too. The living also need flowers, food and our immediate tender loving care.
