Sunday, November 02, 2008 Singlestalk: Myths in match By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singlestalk
MICHELLE: There’s an article written by a David Popenoe on Top 10 Marriage Myths. He said that the most recent U.S.
Census figures confirm what most people already know — divorce rates, indeed, are on the rise and that with nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, many couples are starting to re-evaluate their relationships. But before one analyzes or overanalyzes his or her relationship, it’s important to know the facts from the myths when it comes to marriage.
DJ: Yup. I heard at a cocktail party about one woman who said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.” Indeed, there’s more to marriage than just planning for a wedding. Yup. Over-analysis can cause paralysis. How many people you know missed their chance all because they can’t make up their mind? Wedding rings, to them, are like a pair of small handcuffs. There are also people who suspend good judgment, shut out the world and jump right into the bandwagon simply because it’s where everyone’s going. Sure?
Then once the force field expires, they freak out and realize that marriage is not a word but a sentence!
M: According to Popenoe. Marriage Myth 1: Marriage benefits men much more than women. The fact he says is that recent research finds men and women to benefit about equally from marriage, although in different ways. He said that both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married. Husbands typically gain greater health benefits, while wives gain greater financial advantages.
DJ: It’s been said that 80% of life’s joys or sorrows comes from our relationships. If a person is with someone who is incomplete, then the relationship becomes a drain. One only gives while the other only takes.
There was once this woman who told the love of her life that she would go through hell if that’s what it takes for them to be together. Sure, he married her. Now he’s indeed going through hell with her. Sounds romantic to some people but not everyone can really go through this absolutely unconditional route. It’s still better to be with someone who complements us. Two imperfect heads are still better than a really smart one.
M: For those who are still childless, Popenoe said Marriage Myth 2: Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness. The fact, he says is that many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart and bringing stress to the marriage. However, he opines that couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.
DJ: Having children provides more maturity and direction. The relationship is no longer just about a couple. Less on ‘me’ and more on ‘we.’ But too much of everything isn’t nice too. A couple should still have time for each other because that’s what makes them better as parents. It’s been said the best way for a father to show love to his kids is to love their mom.
A wife who is always flying around the house harping about something is still an angel.
M: Marriage Myth 3: The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love. I personally think that this is not just a myth, but also a lot of BS. Rather than luck and love, long-term marital success is based on commitment and companionship. Time and again those in long-term marriages say that it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage) to make it last.
DJ: Romance is still part of the equation. It’s hard to be passionate with someone we are not even slightly attracted to.
But more than just a feeling, life is a decision -- to stay committed and faithful for better or for worse. Like the saints we honor this weekend. And to those who are mourning over the death of a relationship, you will get by one tissue at a time.
Hopefully, not to the extent of eventually killing a rainforest with all those used tissues. There’s still a greener way to deal with a decapitated relationship. Wink!
