Thursday, August 05, 2004 Antalan: The art of listening By Roger P. Antalan Dateline Igacos
'Skillful listening is the best remedy for loneliness, loquaciousness, and laryngitis.'
THERE is a difference between hearing and listening. Let me start with a quote from the magazine Teleview: "I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
The best example is the funny anecdote I heard a long time ago. During a Sunday mass, the priest-celebrant notices three Protestant lady visitors standing at the back. The priest whispered to the sacristan: "Give three chairs to the Protestant ladies." The sacristan stood up and said in a loud voice: "Three cheers for the Protestant ladies. Hip, hip, hooray! (three times)!!!"
Joking aside, I have been asked by some friends to write about the neglected art of good listening. Not about getting the wrong message because of poor listening, but more particularly about a modern-day disturbance. The cell phone. The cell phone is one of the best gadgets ever invented. Nowadays it is also the number one disturber during conferences and meetings.
Specific mention was made of a well-dressed and nice-looking lady who was furiously texting away during a recent meeting all the while that the special guest was speaking. Then she made some calls unmindful of what was going on. Aside from the appearance, there was nothing nice about her. The listeners around were embarrassed for her.
Conference organizers should follow the airline policy. All cell phones should be put off during the proceedings, or at least put into the silent mode.
The colorful ring tones and the cell phone conversations have derailed many speakers and bothered many listeners. Participants should have the courtesy of getting out of the room to answer urgent calls. Someone even suggested that cell phones should be left with the receptionists.
In addition, there is need to comment on the bad habits of many participants. Not very long ago, a big civic organization held their national convention in Davao City. During the opening rites, the group invited a high government official. He had a well-prepared speech. When he spoke, more than half of those in the audience were not listening. They were mostly talking to one another.
Former US president Lyndon B. Johnson had a sign in his office when he was senator from Texas: "You ain't learnin nuthin when you're talkin."
I like the little story about a high school class in music appreciation. Asked by the teacher about the difference between listening and hearing, a young student raised his hand and offered this as definition: "Listening is wanting to hear."
It is hard to preach about good listening to highly educated audiences. But we can take a gentle hint from God who gave us two ears but only one mouth. Some people say that's because He wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others claim it's because He knew listening was twice as hard as talking.
William A. Ward even suggested some kind of a medical cure: "Skillful listening is the best remedy for loneliness, loquaciousness, and laryngitis."
For good measure, let's listen to Peter Drucker, the guru of management, who said: "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." that's a value added in the practice of good listening.
(August 5, 2004 issue) Write letter to the editor.Click here. Join the Sun.Star message board.Click here.
