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Friday, November 05, 2004
Funny tombstones
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
I SURFED the net searching for "funny tombstones." This is the result of that. The comments in parentheses are mine. Enjoy.
In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up and no place to go. (So where do atheists go when they die anyway!)
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young. (Wow, 102 and died young ha!)
In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 (No comment!)
In a Ribbesford, England cemetery: The children of Israel wanted bread and the Lord sent them manna, old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna. (Hmmmm!)
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast, pardon me for not rising. (That was obvious!)
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake. (See what happens when you put your foot down!)
In a Silver City, Nevada cemetery: Here lays Butch, we planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw. (No comment uli!)
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery: Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted. (Hmmmm...I wonder how!)
A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange. (Calling all lawyers!)
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours. (Huh!)
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona: Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a .44. No Les No More. (Nice one, this is)
In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!" (Yes and no one believed you!)
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig 4 feet deep, and thou wilt find a penny. (Thalaga naman!)
On Margaret Daniel's grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. (Hahaha!)
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune. (Corny this!)
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna. Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go. (Like a slapstick movie!)
More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England: Gone away owin' more than he could pay. (Kaya dapat ang utang ay bayaran!)
Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood: In Memory of Beza Wood. Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 - Age 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood. One Wood within another. The outer wood is very good: We cannot praise the other. (Bad!)
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania: Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid (Are you selling something?)
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903-Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. (Hahaha! I like this!)
Ted N. Buried: Here lies my wife, I bid her goodbye. She rests in peace and now so do I. (Ooops!)
Dear Departed brother Dave he chased a bear into a cave (And never came out I guess!)
Rest in Peace Cousin Huet we all know you didn't do it (Poor rhyme scheme!)
Here Lies Good Old Fred. Great big rock fell on his head. (That must have been painful!)
Here lies a man named Zeke. Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek (You die if you are the second faster draw!)
Mary Weary Housewife. Dear Friends I am going where washing ain't done or cooking or sewing: Don't mourn for me now or weep for me never: For I go to do nothing forever and ever! (Parang galit ah!)
Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy, He will rise again (And become a cookie!)
Here Lies Ned. There is nothing more to be said because we like to speak well of the dead (Yes we should respect the dead!)
Arthur C. Hoamn: Once I wasn't then I was. Now I ain't again (Ganyan talaga ang buhay, parang life!)
Bill Blake Was hanged by mistake (Ouch!)
Here lies Clyde whose life was full until he tried to milk a bull (He milked a bull?)
(November 5, 2004 issue)
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