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Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Encila: The loss of innocence
By Robert Encila
Musings
"You can't have fame without risking shame. You can't demand pleasure without inheriting pain. You can't attain the authority of knowledge without losing your beautiful innocence. Adam and Eve found that out."
I WAS six years old when I first discovered my knack for the performing arts. Singing and dancing became a daily routine that drew an invariably captive audience. It didn't take long for my immediate relatives to catch on to the trick of getting me to sing for my supper.
I vaguely recall my first stage experience at seven years old, dancing before a large crowd at some community event in my hometown of Cebu. Engulfed in the magnitude of that event, I remember feeling a discriminating sense that this was not going to be my one and only performance. I was caught between the utter bliss of self-expression and the looming expectations for encore acts.
In due course, my love for the stage would fashion an ambiguous passage into a vocation laden with emotional baggage. With all the hype that surrounds every talent, a great price is at stake. It's a poignant commentary on what one gives up in order to gain something else.
The big stage can manifest in any professional milieu. It's notorious in the world of entertainment, sports, politics, and religion. Anyone who pays attention knows that glory comes equipped with its fancy traps. Every soul intoxicated with the almighty applause cannot leave the ride unscathed.
You can't have fame without risking shame. You can't demand pleasure without inheriting pain. You can't attain the authority of knowledge without losing your beautiful innocence. Adam and Eve found that out.
I consider myself fortunate to have a relatively well-adjusted adult life. I have had my share of agonizing detours on the road to success, recurrently pulled into self-destructive choices that seem to shadow those of us drawn to the big stage.
What started out as unadulterated longing for creative fulfillment became a confounding battle with a series of addictions. It's a harsh wilderness out there. It pays to be cautious and vigilant.
With a little self-effort and a lot of grace, I'm able to revive the experience of innocence through fatherhood, albeit vicariously. As a heedful steward of my daughter's childhood, I have the opportunity to heal significant memories of negligence incurred through years of misguided rearing.
It is therefore with profound empathy that I convey my sadness over the great contemporary icon, Michael Jackson. Forever my model of creative originality, he's become the classic fodder for those of us quick to avoid attention to our own character flaws. For decades he was a superlative hero, with whom many of us identified ultimate success. Today he's a despised untouchable.
Before we throw another stone, let me suggest that at the end we are looking at the ubiquitous rise and fall of a man through the pervasive lens of the media. What we have is limited information garnered from varied sources with contradictory motives--tip of the iceberg, as they say.
What is certain is that once again we have a standard hero exposed as a loser. It's a universal theme with an ancient moral message. It's tempting to assume the safe role of social voyeur, poised outside looking in.
The Greeks offered catharsis, a more enlightened position achieved through personalization of another person's plight. Jesus taught compassion and warned us against the poison of passing judgment lest we be judged ourselves.
A consummate musical artist, Michael Jackson transcended himself and inspired countless others to raise the bar. As a precocious child, he was the darling of a generation steeped in Motown revolution, but no one outside his genre could ignore his genius.
It's a bitter irony that a beloved boy victimized by his own circumstances is now the beleaguered adult charged with violating another child's innocence.
There's a furious bandwagon ready to affirm his guilt so justice can be served.
If we're honest, it behooves us to stay out of the circus and be grateful for the opportunity to examine our own integrity.
(The author is a 15-year veteran in theater education. A Filipino-American who co-owns a drama and art school in Tucson, Arizona with his wife Ginny, he has performed internationally as a singer, dancer, choreographer, pianist and actor. His website is at www.studioconnections.net)
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (April 19, 2005 issue)
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