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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Standing in the way
By Standing in the way
ONE of the proudest moments in my teaching experience happened when I was not even present. It was the final day of the final exam. And as it was the practice, class moderators would proctor the last exam of the last subject.
Even before that exam, I was already thinking of the experiment that I wanted to do with my class. I weighed the odds and I thought my class was ready for it. I entered the room, did our prayers and handed out the test. Before they started I made an announcement.
I said, "There are going to be two tests today. The first one is a subject test which you may fail, but the other test is one that you should not fail as it is a test of trust." There was silence and then I continued, "I am going to leave the room and I will leave you to yourselves. You will have every opportunity to cheat but I wish you would not."
With that I left. I stood along the corridors facing the grounds. I returned to the room only when the bell rang. After the exam, a student who I did not expect to approach me came and said those beautiful words, "Sir I can promise you no one cheated." I believed him for two reasons. I trusted that class so much and because the student who told me that was the biggest problem I had when classes began. Up to now, whenever I meet members of that class they say the same thing to me. "Sir we really did not copy from one another." It was and will always be a badge of honor of that class that they overcame the challenge of cheating.
I wonder how many of us can be that strong especially if we know that no one is looking. They could have cheated and gotten high grades, they could have done the easy way out but they did not. They did the right thing.
I will always remember that lesson that I taught because it too gave me a lesson. Sometimes or even oftentimes, we are so obsessed in succeeding that we sometimes, nay, oftentimes forgot that what we do might be wrong. We become so focused in winning that we set aside what it is decent and moral. We cheat and connive, manipulate and deceive until we get what we want, until we win. In this success-oriented society that we live in, integrity is oftentimes the first casualty of success.
While doing prayers a few days ago, the following phrases came into my mind as I was sitting in the silence of our prayer room. Do not fear. Do not worry. Do not stand in the way. Those words were so clear in my head that even up to now as I write this, I can hear: Do not fear, Do not worry, Do not stand in the way.
I am like most people. I am afraid of what might happen. I see what I am facing and I dread what will happen. I can see possibilities and scenarios and I become afraid. King David in the psalms speak of dread and fear as his enemies surround him. They wage war against him. And so it is with me and you.
Our enemies wage their wars against us. They hatch plots, build alliances and create conspiracies. And we stand alone, seemingly helpless. And we dread the coming of day and the darkness of night.
For we stand alone. We are afraid and so we worry. We worry about that they will do because they are relentless and focused. They just want to win, they want the prize, they lust and covet the victory and they will not stop for they have been possessed.
And what are we to do in the face of this evil? If we are not careful, then we become like them. We become evil like them. A writer once said, "when you fight monsters be careful that you do not become a monster yourself."
And that is where we must be aware. We should not be drawn in the shadows, into the phantoms of the night. So many are driven into them because it takes so little to be evil. The weak hearted and the underdeveloped souls are those who ravage and destroy.
It is very human to be afraid and to worry; it is very human to be less than what we are. Another writer said that the beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. But it is at that point exactly where our faith is tested and strengthened. And the thing to do sometimes is really not to do anything. Do not stand in the way. Perhaps that is the most difficult thing to do.
But doing nothing could be the highest act of faith. Christ did it. He did nothing in the face of everything. He was whipped, tortured, humiliated, beaten up and finally crucified. But he did nothing. And guess who won?
Sometimes the best thing we can do is not to stand in the way and force our issues and will on others. Let me quote C.S. Lewis again. "There are two kinds of people: those who say to God `Thy will be done' and those to whom God says, ` All right then, have it your way."
Most of us belong to the latter. We just do what we want not knowing what we really want. Our realities are based on what we see and not what lies beyond. We find it easier to hold on than to let go because in letting go we lose all control and most of us are control freaks. But we are not in control; our lives can change in an instant.
I am learning the lessons of not standing in the way but I have to tell you it is not easy even if I know what God wants for me is the best for me. I can only take one step at a time and depend on His words, "Do not fear, do not worry, do not stand in the way."
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (May 11, 2005 issue)
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