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Friday, May 20, 2005
Lee: A treaty with Darth Vader--The Revenge of the President
By Kelvin King Lee
Babble On
"President Ayoko's approval ratings have climbed steadily since the announcement on the treaty and her becoming an Apprentice of Darth Vader"
IN AN attempt to lift dwindling approval ratings, the Philippine Supreme President Glory MakiStarwars Ayoko signed a treaty that entered the Philippines into a strategic alliance with the Intergalactic Empire. Lord Darth Vader, personal representative of Emperor Palpatine, signed for the Empire.
In a ceremony in Manila City, the President and Vader, despite the large height difference, shook hands in a historic agreement dubbed "The Revenge of the President." The treaty would allow the Empire to recruit Filipinos into the Stormtrooper Legions, in exchange for large amounts of money that will go into the treasury of the Philippine Government. Another stipulation in the treaty would allow the Philippines to call on the Empire to aid them in times of rebellion or invasion.
Many observers have criticized the alliance and called on the Senate to disapprove the treaty. Noted constitutional expert Justice Learned Foot and Mouth said that the treaty would have no effect until ratified by the Senate with a two-thirds vote as required by the Constitution.
Another constitutional expert disagreed with the Justice. Senator Martha Defender, when asked on her opinion, said that there was no need for Senate approval and also said that the Justice was "wrong and I am right." She then proceeded to stick out her tongue.
Jedi Master Obi Wan Kenobi said he believed that the alliance was a mistake. "I trained Vader when he was an apprentice and I can tell you no good will come of this alliance. The Philippine Government has made a tragic mistake in partnering with Vader."
Philippine officials seemed ebullient at the agreement. "The Philippines is no longer just a world player but now an intergalactic player. This treaty gives the country an Intergalactic stature and security that other countries can only dream of. A few worthless souls sent abroad to work for pennies is a small price to pay. I mean, we do that already with our OFWS and nurses. What's a few more citizens?" Announcements Secretary Herbie Buggy was quoted as saying, off the record.
Philippine Budget and Wealth Secretary Ernesta Moneybags seemed particularly happy with the treaty. She was last seen somersaulting into the horizon, clicking her heels and shouting: "We're gonna be rich!"
In announcing the signing of the treaty, the President had this to say: "Today we are partners with one of the most forceful nations in the galaxy. No longer do we have to fear the U.S.A. (United Starwars Addicts) reneging on our agreements, as we have a stronger ally in Darth Vader and the Empire. I would also like to take this opportunity to announce my concurrent designation as Apprentice to Darth Vader."
President Ayoko's approval ratings have climbed steadily since the announcement on the treaty and her becoming an Apprentice of Darth Vader.
Billionaire Donald Trump said however that: "She was supposed to be MY apprentice."
When asked to comment by a reporter, Lord Darth Vader had this to say: "The Force is strong in the Philippines." He then proceeded to force-strangle the reporter.
Elsewhere, the movie Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith opened in theaters all over the Philippines to commemorate the signing of the treaty. Chaos reigned in Davao as people fought with lightsabers to get tickets to the single greatest film of all time.
* * * * *
Disclaimer: Everything written above is not true, except for the part about Star Wars Episode III opening in theaters. This is what we would call humor or satire, or whatever you want to call it. I had fun writing this. Really.
(Email me at babbleon@atenista.net)
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (May 20, 2005 issue)
Write letter to the editor.Click here.
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