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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Monday Blessings
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
AS I write this it is Monday, the 4th of July, It is 8:14 in the morning and I have just come out from prayer. I have two sources of prayer that I use and I use them according to the promptings. Do not ask what and how because I cannot explain it. It just happens. My two sources of prayer are a Jesuit prayer website and a 365 day prayer guide entitled Grace For The Moment by Max Lucado. This morning it was the book and not the website.
I turned to July 4 and its heading was Finding God's Grace. And as usual it hit the mark. For the past several months I have been struggling with my weaknesses. Sometimes when I look at my life I come to the conclusion that I shall never heaven. If I die today I will never see God. I am not like those people who can confidently say that they are ready to die. I am not. I think of all that I have done or have refused to do and I tremble at the hopelessness of my situation. I am basically a good person but not good enough for heaven. It was with that though and feeling that I sat and opened the prayer for July 4.
In the reflection for today the writer gives four examples of people who were weak and needed God's grace. David who did not only commit adultery but who indirectly murdered someone. Peter who denied Christ before he stood for Him. And Zachaeus the crook. And of course the thief who was crucified along with Christ. The reflection continues and reveals that God's love is so immense and determined that He finds ways for us to be in heaven with Him. He does not exclude us but includes us. He finds ways and situations to bring us to heaven.
And as I sit there I am confronted with my own failings and miseries. (Monday is not really a good day for me!) I think of all that I have done and all my sins. I think of all the sins that I will commit because of human nature, because of my weak flesh, which is strong. I think of all the situations I that have faced and will continually to face up to. My past is a record of failings And my future is an unknown book that has yet to be written. I think of who I am and what I am and I come to the conclusion that I am too weak, too attached. There is no hope for me and yet...
I have been facing several things at the same time in various degrees. My back is aching, I have had sleepless nights and most of all I have been wondering. Wondering where all this will lead to. I look at my life and the lessons that have come my way.
I have seen the worst and the best of me, and the worst of people who have contributed to the revelations of things I thought I never had. The past few years have taught me humility if anything else. But I am not humble yet, far from it. It has also taught me silence and prayer. But I am quieter now. The past few months have shown me that patience is something so difficult. I agree with that person who said, Lord give me patience and give it to me now!"
But I also agree with that soul who said, Make haste slowly." See what happens to me on Mondays!! I sit there and wonder what is going to happen next. OI wonder what God has in store for me in the turns of my life.
And yet when I sat there looking at all that has happened a voice suddenly comes up from the depths and says, "August 28 Rene. Turn to August 28." And with anticipating hands I ruffle through the prayer guide and open to August 28. And the heading is God Knows What Is Best. And the line is from Proverbs, which says, "Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)
Simply amazing isn't it? Here I was with all my doubts and my fears of what will happen and God suddenly lifts the veil and says, "I know what is best for you." (Even the song that is being played right now is a testament of what is being written here. It is You are Mine and part of that song goes, "Do not be afraid for I am with you".) Strange things really happen on Mondays!
God knows what is best for us. Let us have that as a starting point of our journey of faith. Sometime ago while I was pondering of what will happen in the future I thought about what I read in a book also by Max Lucado. He said do not worry about the future and its situations because God will give you the strength and the resources to face whatever is needed to be faced when the time comes. Meanwhile focus on today. And leave the rest to God. Or as what one person said, do not worry about the future, God is already there.
I know it is not easy to let go and let God and yet that is exactly what faith is. To jump into the abyss, the take that leap of faith, to dare the darkness and face the forest knowing that God will do what is best. Our job is not to find out but to take the risk. Our lives were meant to be lived not with certainty but with faith and trust. The ultimate control is no control at all.
We must open our clenched hands and closed hearts. The world will always try to keep our beings shut from the wonder of infinity. And most of us are caged in the world, in the passing pleasures, in the despair of problems that we cannot see beyond the ecstasy and the sorrow. But like Peter, like David we can transcend, we can lift our souls but only through God's grace.
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (July 6, 2005 issue)
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