Sunday, September 18, 2005
Gil: Hodge-podge
By Sandy Gil
Sunday Dunes
THERE are a few seemingly insignificant questions in life that boggle my mind. Many times, I have tried to seek the answers but all for naught. And so, I set these questions aside to ponder upon on a quiet rainy night, as I drink a glass of wine and watch the candles burn...
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I have always wondered what belly buttons are for. Oh yes, I know that this funny anatomical aperture once had an important role in feeding human beings as fetuses snuggled in their mothers' wombs. But after having cut off the cord that had once been a part of the belly button, what then is the purpose of this scar, this landmark in the middle of the tummy?
When one has gained weight, sitting down elongates the belly button horizontally--a sight which is not quite pleasant. The belly button then simply becomes a gauge to determine whether or not one should embark on a diet.
Apart from that, it seems to me that the belly button is merely a decorative receptacle that accumulates dirt. And when one has not much to do on a quiet rainy night, wine in hand and candles burning, the belly button is an orifice that one can clean with a cotton bud dipped in rubbing alcohol or lotion.
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Have you tried sneezing with your eyes wide-open? An impossibility. It is an automatic reaction to close one's eyes when one sneezes. I have tried keeping my eyes opened many times in the morning when I have a sneezing spree. As a matter of fact, when my youngest daughter Toni was a toddler, she had a non-stop sneezing attack due to some allergy. And mind you, much like her older sister Alex, her sneezes could be heard down the block. Toni had teary eyes and her nose was so red from sneezing. As a mother, I felt I had to do something about it aside from giving her medicine.
So I told her to keep her eyes open and look at the fluorescent light. Did you know that looking at the light stops sneezing? Tough act to perform, but it works!
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I have a few friends who are really nice people, but whom I try to let alone because of a quality I cannot accept with peace. A naturally and uncontrollably loud voice. Loud voices--which are by the way not angry at all--can jar my nerves, particularly when confined in a small space.
It was once explained to me that people with deafening voices are usually hard of hearing. Since they cannot hear themselves speak, the tendency is to speak loud enough for them to hear themselves. Sounds logical. But then, there are consequences to contend with.
Talking on the telephone with people who possess loud voices can be devastating. You need not have a telephone unit with a speaker. Be kind to your eardrums and avoid having them whisper in your ear. Oh, and yes, secrets--theirs and yours--can be inadvertently exposed.
During a recent dinner engagement, for instance, I had wanted to whisper to a loud-voiced friend something amusing about one of the guests. He looked at me, and said, "Ha?" as in please repeat what you said. But raising the volume of my whisper to another decibel would have made the person I was gossiping about know that I was gossiping about her!
In another instance, I was traveling down south in a van with a group of colleagues. It so happened that a loud-voiced friend had sat behind me. And with her earsplitting voice, I could feel my hair being blown to my face.
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I have also pondered upon people who appear to have no necks. Do the meals they eat reach their tummies faster than those with long necks? Can they wear shirts with collars? Worse still, can they get away with wearing turtlenecks? Or chokers for that matter? Can they go necking? Is growing shoulder-length hair easier for them? How low should their necklines be to be called a plunging neckline? Or can they wear neckties?
One advantage that people with no necks have is that they are certainly protected from Dracula and his cohorts of vampires...
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Please don't get me wrong. It is not that I am having fun at the expense of other people. I simply wonder about a few seemingly insignificant questions that boggle my mind. In fact, I am glad that I have these thoughts to contend with.
For without belly buttons, sneezing, loud voices and short necks, what else will I ponder upon on quiet rainy nights with wine glass in hand and candles burning?
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