|
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Gil: Transitions for Tita and Rita
By Sandy Gil
Sunday Dunes
I WAS talking shop yesterday with Tita, a dear colleague of mine who will soon be going on early retirement. Not that she is old; she must be barely in her mid-50s--a few years older than I am. What compelled her to make this decision does not cease to amaze me: Life is too short, Tita says, and she wants to have more time to check out the things she has missed out in life.
Tita told me that she had been out with a mutual friend of ours, Rita. Rita, who is about as old as I am, is in the process of finally leaving her husband of many, many years.
Transition: passage from one stage to another. Or, route from what is known to what is unknown. And what is unknown makes all human beings anxious, even fearful.
-o0o-
Tita told me they had discussed their apprehensions about what the future might have in store for them. And what they dread most is the possibility of growing old alone.
Tita told me that they talked about me and my having accepted, without qualms nor rancor, the possibility of growing old alone. What was my formula, she asked. Is this fear of growing old alone a woman thing?
-o0o-
For one, I do not think that the fear of growing old alone is a gender issue. I have met a few men who have expressed the same anxiety, albeit in a totally different way. Unfortunately, I do not think that there is a formula for accepting the possibility of culminating life in a state of aloneness. On the other hand, there might be a few thoughts one may ponder on to make the transition less worrisome.
-o0o-
When I really think about it, I have always been alone. I was born alone. Of course, my Mom was around when that happened--and so were the doctor and the nurses. But I am more than certain that when I decided to push my little self out of Mom's warm uterus, I was alone and I did that all by my baby self.
When I really think about it, I will also die alone, regardless the cause of my death. If I am struck by some debilitating illness, it will only be me who will feel the pain, the drugs, the fear, and so on--even if my loved ones will be around to hold my hands and care for me. They will be unable to really know whatever it is I will be going through alone.
When I really think about it, between birth and death, I have been and will always be alone, even when I am surrounded by people. Only I will know my deepest thoughts and feelings not matter that I am able to share these with others.
-o0o-
When I really think about it, the state of being alone is a rather humbling experience. Among the millions and billions of human beings on earth, one's uniqueness is merely a drop in the bucket of life. Yet, the very existence of one's uniqueness makes a difference among the millions and billions of other uniqueness. That is an overwhelming thought!
-o0o-
When I really think about it, being alone is not the same as being lonely. Being
lonely means the need to have someone by you. Being alone means the need to be by yourself. These are two absolutely different states of being.
When I really think about it, the important things that go on in one's heart and mind can be shared with someone beside you, but are not dependent on him/her/them. These important things exist even when there is no one by you, when you are by yourself.
When I really think about it, what is significant is that these important things exist. And that, in fact, is enough cause for happiness.
-o0o-
When I really think about it, I am not afraid to grow old alone because in the same vein that I enjoy the company of others, like Tita and Rita, I too enjoy the company of Sandy (that's me!). I am happy both ways.
In that way, I can have my cake and eat it too. (For what else is the purpose of the cake, if not to eat it?)
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (October 2, 2005 issue)
Write letter to the editor.Click here.
Join the Sun.Star message board.Click here. |
|
[return to top]
[home]
[network page]
|
LOCAL NEWS
BUSINESS
OPINION
SPORTS
LIFESTYLE
FEATURE
SUPERBALITA
WEEKEND
|
