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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Being true to your 'now'
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
THERE is no tomorrow. And the past is the past. What we have is only the present. We have only now. And yet our nows are different as we are. Our nows can stretch from just today or it can extend along months and even years. And it is in our nows that we hold on to or at least tried to. Our nows are precious because they teach us the value of presence.
We are here now and what we have now is what must be learned. And our lessons vary in length and in depth. Some of us can stay in this now for a long time until it is time to move on. The Bibe says that there is a time and place for everything. There are lessons to be learned but also moments to be savored. The question then is, what is your now, now?
To some, their now is a time for celebration. Ask newly married couples whose lives have just begun. Their now is joy and fulfillment, perhaps even bliss. To new parents, life takes on a new meaning as new life comes into their lives. For someone who has just graduated, now is a new horizon, a new beginning.
To those who have lost a loved one, now is a time for grief and sorrow. To those who feel pain, now is a time for taking in the pain. To those who have been betrayed, now is time for the disappointment. And yet always, the ways of now are always in the present. They must be confronted, understood and learned. To others, their now is a time for learning. For some, for gathering. For collecting. To others, now is the time to reflect, to laugh, and to be silent.
Our nows are lessons. Our nows are a time for learning. Whether or not they are joyful or painful lessons, they are there to teach us something. Fortunately or unfortunately, it is the painful lessons that we must face because for a long time now, we have refused their callings, their whispers. To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, pain is a megaphone.
What is your now, now? Are you celebrating? Or are you lost? Are you being asked to hold on or to let go? Is your now asking for forgiveness? Is your now telling you to get out of your comfort zone? Are you in tears because of a loss? Are you crying for joy? Are you in crisis? Or is your now a fulfillment? Is your now a song or a lamentation? What is the lesson that your now is asking of you?
One of the most abused phrases that people use nowadays is "move on." We hear it almost everyday that is has become toxic (another popular word). People always tell us we have to move on. While that may be admirable and necessary, before we move on, we must determine that which made us stuck.
It is the height of foolishness to say that we will move on and forgive even if my heart still rages in revenge. I am just kidding myself. And I cannot move on. I cannot move on and ask for forgiveness when I have not repented and made atonements. I cannot tell people to move on when I myself am stuck. I cannot move on with my hurt if I am still crying and hurting because of my sorrow. Moving on cannot be forced. Moving on will happen when it is time.
And that time can only happen when we are true to what we are in the present moment of our lives. If we are happy, then let us be because in the same manner if we grieve then let us do so. Let us not pretend to be strong when we are weak because that will only make us weaker. To deny ourselves of the emotion that we must undergo is a guarantee that we will have to deal with it sooner or later.
Let us accept the loneliness and the pain. Let us embrace that which paralyyzes us. Let us celebrate wit gratitude and dance with gladness. Let us be true to our feelings for our emotions tell us of what needs to be done. Our emotions are signs, guides. Nothing else, nothing more. I cannot forget what the German philosopher Rilke once said. "Perhaps everything terrible in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us." Perhaps all that happens to us is ultimately good. I do not know. I have not reached that point yet. What I know though is that I must be true to my now. To be honest. Am I in the desert now? Then let me look at the heat and the sun. Let me thirst. Let me taste my thirst and my hunger.
That way, I can understand. Let us not force things because truth has a way of always revealing itself from the masks that we desperately and foolishly wear. We only deceive ourselves. What is your now, now? Take heed and listen. Only then can we realize and learn and move on. And touch eternity.
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (November 16, 2005 issue)
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