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Friday, January 20, 2006
Just different
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
IF IT were not for really painful experiences, I would have never thought that I would come out with a realization about me. Pain is beautiful sometimes. And that realization came to me in a flash as all realizations do. And it has something to do with one of the greatest battles of my life. The battle to be myself.
I realize that we all have different struggles in different degrees and in different times and yet mine has always been the same. The struggle to be myself.
As I look back at all those years, I know now that even if they were disguised in many ways, the constant thing about all those circumstances is rooted in the battle for myself. I look back at the years and I realize that the battlegrounds for this struggle have been as varied as the lessons that it tried to teach.
I have been called many names by many people. Some are flattering while others have been downright mean. All because I have always been different. For years, I fought with the demons of being accepted. I tried to be what I was not to please those who I thought cared for me, only to realize that those who truly care do accept you for what you are. And not for what you try to be. If someone cares for you, you really do not have to try. The idea of wanting people to accept you
is deceiving on both ends because if one has to try to be accepted, then the battle is already lost. Those who love you will just accept you for the reason that you are you. Those who try to mold you do not love you. Those who try to make you what they think you ought to be are selfish and stifling.
Before I thought the circumstances given to me were curses, but now I realize they are lessons to be learned. I realize now that those blocks, those walls were guideposts to the reality of our true selves.
Oftentimes, when we are struggling we find ourselves being branded. By others and most especially by our own selves.
When you cry easily, you are emotional and weak. There is nothing wrong with crying. Only the strong can cry. When you are an idealist you are a fool because you live in a fairy tale world. What is wrong with fairy tales anyway? What is wrong about dreaming of a better thing? You must be successful in this world, money speaks in this world. Really? Believe me when I say that money cannot buy happiness. It cannot buy peace of mind or character. Those who cling to wealth have nothing else to hold on to. Oh there is more but you know what I mean.
The struggle to be authentic is a struggle that is fought everyday. It is as real as your hand. And the struggle is something that we must face because it will always show itself in many ways until you finally get the lesson. The hardest thing in this world is to be untrue to yourself.
So if you face conditions and persons who do not bring out your true self, get out. Leave it. Let it go. Free yourself from the person or the circumstance other wise you will be in a prison where there is no key. It is never too late to be what you are.
If we really look at it, the happiest moments we have had have not been times that involved money. Pleasure is not happiness. Pleasure is a brand new car, clothes, a 72 inch television, sex, flattery, a promotion. They all fade, only to be replaced with something that cannot be satisfied. Happiness is something that does disappear. It is not fleeting like the mist. It is there, waiting to be discovered.
Do the thing that makes you happy. Do the thing that makes you realize that you are truly an amazing person, a miracle of God. Do not listen to others especially those who think you are foolish or stupid or dumb simply because you are doing that which is real to you. It is true you know that if you try to please everyone, someone will not like it.
So forget about those who try to put you down. Be honest with yourself. Be authentic. Sing your own song never mind of you are out of tune. Write your poem even if you just end up with ill fitting rhymes! Climb the tree in your backyard. Dance. Smile.
In the end it will be you and your God. All that we have done we shall account for. It is not only what we have done that God shall ask of us but what we did not do. God will tell us, I gave you all these talents, I gave you this hunger, this challenge. Tell me, what did you do with it? In the end God will not ask for your money but for the wealth of your soul. She shall not demand your possessions but of the things that you gave away. I gave you this truly beautiful soul, what did you do with it? Be yourself. No one else can.
(January 20, 2006 issue)
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