Friday, March 10, 2006
Acceptance
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
IT WAS heart-wrenching to watch Rustom Padilla bare his soul in front of national television. And in the end, it was not a question of Rustom being gay or not, that was not the issue. In the end, it was a matter of being different and therefore, being rejected by the very persons who claimed they cared for him. It was not being gay that made Rustom cry. It was what people would think and what they would do that made Rustom break into tears. People who claim to care for you, people who say who love you are some of the most cruel. You would be surprised at what people who say who love you can do. But that is their problem, not yours.
I overheard a conversation that was centered on the confession of Rustom. The four people (three female and one male) who were seated in a café were telling each other that what Rustom did was stupid and immoral and weak. Over cups of coffee, they dissected Rustom's life. They formed judgments based on half truths and stories that can be defined as hearsay. And yet here they were, judging a person whom they did not know, whom they never actually met. I could not help but smile.
Here was someone who had the strength to bare his soul, to tell the world his true self and you had these four people who were proclaiming how immoral, how weak and how stupid Rustom was. As their conversation dragged, I guess it was inevitable that they had the temerity to say that they were glad they were not like Rustom. They even laughed. In the Bible there is a word for them. In the Bible, Jesus had the worst words for them. Hypocrites.
In this world, there are two kinds of people. Those who judge and those who are judged. Guess who the stronger one is. Guess who is the better one. How easy it is to judge and how smug it is to point fingers and say, you are weak, you are immoral, and you are stupid.
When I was listening to those four, I was wondering what secrets they had. And the question that came was, if they had the strength to share their secrets because that is what everything is actually.
Strength. The strength to reveal one's self is one of the most difficult things to do. It takes courage and strength to do that.
To do that takes a supreme effort because one can never know what the reaction of people will be. To some, like those four coffee drinkers, they missed the whole point as they were discussing Rustom being gay.
That was not the point, but I guess people like that need more learning and more discernment. They will get there but it will take time. For those who understand, there is only the acceptance and the admiration that comes from knowing. The acceptance that all of us are different and unique. And the admiration that comes from the inner resolve that they were brave enough to do and to be.
To be rejected is a heavy burden. Even more so if the ones who do the rejection are those who say that they love you and care for you. That can be devastating to one's self worth and to a lot of people it is something that they carry for the rest of their lives. They feel rejected and worthless. That is one way of taking it. There is another. Being grateful that it happened. Being thankful because it has made you a better person.
People get scared when someone is different. They become uneasy because they do not know how to deal with the person. Being different in society is a sure way to be rejected. That is why they call you the "black sheep", the connotation being you are black and therefore not good. Perhaps instead being called the black sheep one should call him or her the different sheep. People who try to shape you to what they want you to be are weak and insecure. People who tell you what to do, people who are condescending in their ways really need help. People who are arrogant are shouting for your attention and help.
Look for your people. Look for those who lift you. Who bring you to your goodness. Avoid people who bring out the worst in you. Nurture relationships that make you grow. Cut those that hinder your development. Find your people who believe in your worth and individuality. Stay away from those who tell you what to do. Find your real family. They are the ones who believe in you.
Be happy, And if need be, be gay.
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (March 10, 2006 issue)
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