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Sunday, April 02, 2006
My emancipation
By Mae Ricarte
My Turn
THE celebration of International Women's Month is over. What does that mean to me and other women? Have we been empowered by the media attention given us? I surely have been! I have financially gathered enough strength to emancipate myself.
You may have seen me somewhere -- a woman in her late 30s, married with children. When you see me, you might say, "Ah, this woman must have a good life." We have our own business. Financially, you may say I have more than the average Dabawenya has. I wear the more popular brands, even my kids do! They study in one of the best schools here. We ride in cars that some could ride in only in their dreams. So what, pray tell, is my problem?
I am an abused wife -- physically, emotionally and yes, financially. My husband hurts me when we fight. After the last time he did, I had to go to the hospital to seek medical help for my painful head and bleeding check. I have then learned my lesson -- that I should not fight back. I did not let our misunderstanding worsen by keeping my mouth shut. Whenever I have doubts I ask him if we could talk, he would brush me off and tell me that we will just talk if he is not busy. And that made me an emotionally abused wife.
I just ignore all the stories that I hear about his womanizing to avoid a fight but the stress made me sick, both physically and emotionally. Some would say to just let him be for as long as he comes home and gives me money. Yes, he goes home to sleep and the perfunctory malling with the kids. The money? That's another story. He gives me money but barely enough to buy grocery items, and pay the bills.
Whatever I own, were all asked from him, even my underwear. My husband goes shopping, bar hopping to his heart's content. One day I made the wrong move. I complained that the budget was not enough anymore. That's when all hell broke loose. He told me that I do not know how to handle his money. He then decided to handle it himself. Now I am left with nothing. I even had to sell some of my old stuff so I could generate money to buy my own toiletries. Pathetic, but that's enough! I've had it. I am now in the process of putting my life in order.
One morning, I was feeling lethargic and just sat in the kitchen. My househelper's radio was blaring. Lo and behold! A certain Attorney Dina Tolentino was being interviewed about Republic Act 9262, otherwise known as "Anti-violence against Women and their Children Act." It caught my attention and I listened intently as she was explaining the law and its provisions. She seems to be talking about me -- my plight as an abused wife. So I stood up, and called a friend who knows somebody at the Women's Crisis Center. Wasting no time, I went to the center and talked to a counselor.
I can see more clearly now. I am more courageous although there are still moments when I just want to go back to my old self and wallow in self-pity. The struggle isn't over yet. I know the father of my children would fight and not give in. Atty. Dina said the law hasn't been tested yet and it's still all in theory but that theory is enough to give me strength to fight for my rights.
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (April 2, 2006 issue)
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