Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Midlife edition
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
IT WAS with some amusement that I watched the first edition of the PBB Teen Edition. The fact that I need not spell out PBB is proof enough of the popularity of the show! Anyway, back to the story.
As I was watching the participants come to the fore of instant celebrity status, I was wondering if there was anyone from Davao City. And then suddenly I knew. From the moment that she started speaking, I knew she was from Davao because the Davao accent and the Davao Tagalog were unmistakably clear. The moment she started saying, "gi puntahan," I knew. What I did not know was that she is our neighbor. As to where that is, never mind. The last thing I want and need is a horde of teenagers screaming their heads off, "Mikki, Mikki!" I value the serenity of our village. But back to the story.
When the housemates got to their respective rooms, the inevitable had to happen. The guys started comparing the girls and the girls chatted about the guys. The conversations were what you would you expect. The guys started describing the girls saying things like "ganda nya pare." And the girls swooned with "cute" and the like. They were laughing, smiling, teasing and just having juvenile fun.
And while I was watching all these, I thought how wonderful it was to be young again. And how inspiring and innocent and sometimes naïve. And then my midlife stepped in. And I started to think One of these days perhaps I would write ABS and request that a PBB Midlife Edition be launched. I bet your flabby tummy that this Midlife Edition would beat all the previous PBB versions.
Just imagine it. Put fourteen midlife people in a house. Lock the door and throw the key. That would be awesome! And you have a blockbuster in your hands. Fourteen people in their midlife and all their concerns and anxieties would be very beautifully intoxicating. I would probably subscribe to the 24-hour service that PBB offers. The money would be worth it. The conversations would be so interesting.
Male 1: so how do you find our experience here?
Male 2: So far it is okay. I just find the aircon too cold.
Female 1: I agree. I find myself shivering in the cold.
Female 2: Talaga? Ako hindi. Mainit nga eh. Hot flushes ko siguro.
Male 3: Naga-menopause ka na?
Female 2: I think so.
Female 3: Ako hirap mag-jingle (jingle was the word they probably used when they were teenagers).
Male 4: Ako rin, hirap mag-jingle.
Female 4: Ako naman, jingle ng jingle. Tuloy para akong Christmas song.
Male 5: Ako pag dating ng Christmas, lonely ako. Ewan ko ba.
Female 5: Ako pag Christmas hindi lang ako lonely, I cry buckets. I go to my room and just sit there and cry and cry.
Male 6: I understand. I do the same.
Female 6: Ako naman I do not cry I just sit and stare into space and smile.
Male 7: Hmmmm.
Female 7: Hmmm talaga.
Male 1: I guess this is midlife.
ENTIRE HOUSE: TUTOO!!
Male 1: Where is my life going ba?
ENTIRE HOUSE: TUTOO!
Female 1: I mean I have done everything na yata. Feel ko I wasted my life on my career and where did it get me? I am the same person that I was when I started.
Male 2: Yes, but richer!
Female 1: Yes, but what is richness if you are not contented? And I am not content!
ENTIRE HOUSE: TUTOO!
Male 2: Buti ka pa. Even if you are not content, at least rich ka. Ako not rich, not content pa. Eh what do I have to show?
Female 2: Ano ba kayo, you think you have problems? My husband left me for a 21-year-old student. And I have seven children.
Male 3: Tama na kayo. At least kayo may pamilya pa. Ako wala. Am a 48 year old bachelor. Tapos parang hindi na yata ako maka-function sexually.
ENTIRE HOUSE: TUTOO!
Female 3: Hoy, at least din, you know who you are. Ako I do not know if I am a man trapped in a woman's body!
Male 4: Okay, okay, tama na. We are here to enjoy ourselves, Kain na lang tayo. Maraming food dyan sa fridge and sa kitchen.
Female 4: Marami nga, pero I cannot eat most of the food.
ENTIRE HOUSE: TUTOO!
Male 5: Si Big Brother naman kasi. Puro food na high in cholesterol and uric acid ang binigay.
Female 5: Oo nga. Chicharon, dinuguan, crabs, pork chop.
Male 6: Ako walang problema sa food, problema ko, I cannot eat properly kasi false teeth na ako lahat. And midlife ko pa lang ito. Takot ako sa dentist.
Female 6: Tell me about your childhood!
Male 7: Tama na, kain na lang tayo.
Female 7: Kayo na lang, jingle muna ako.
Kuya: Housemates, may task ako sa inyo!
ENTIRE HOUSE: Ano po yun Kuya?
Kuya: Go home and do not come back! Layas!
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (May 3, 2006 issue)
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