Thursday, June 15, 2006
How to say 'no'
By Henrylito D. Tacio
Regarding Henry
AN ENERGETIC young man entered the office of the personnel officer of a large corporation. As he entered the room, he approached the desk and plopped his resume onto the desk.
"You need look no further for candidates for this position," the young man said. "I am just the right person for this job."
During the course of their conversation, the young man proceeded to tell the personnel officer what was wrong with this corporation and how he would be able to fix these problems -- probably within his first year of employment!
As the young man concluded his presentation, he stood up and said, "But you had better hurry with your decision. Remember, I have other irons in the fire!" With that, the personnel officer stood, picked up the man's resume, handed it back to him, and said bluntly, "If you have other irons in the fire, I would suggest that you put this resume in with them!"
If I were that young man, I would probably vanish into oblivion. I think he deserved those hurting words because he was arrogant in the first place. He could have waited for the personnel officer to give his comments before saying anything about himself.
For his part, the personnel officer must have been thinking on how to reject the application of the young man. But given the occasion, the personnel officer had the opportunity of saying those rebuffing lines easier.
Eve, the first woman, should have known better. Just to recapitulate, the serpent incited her to eat the fruit from the tree "that is in the middle of the garden." She told the serpent why God prohibited them to eat the fruit.
But the serpent twisted God's warning: "You will not S rely die. For God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
The Bible chronicled what happened next: "When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." If only Eve said, "No, I won't eat it," and walked away.
From time to time, we are in a position of turning down a project proposal or saying no to a dear friend.
But how do we tell them the real thing without hurting them? Pythagoras once said: "Yes and no are the oldest and simplest words, but they require the most thought."
But saying no is one of the hardest things we do. What now? "Saying no is every person's prerogative, and it need not seem harsh or unkind," explains Jo Coudert in an article, which appeared in Woman's Day. Coudert gives some strategies on how "to say yes but wanting to say no."
First in her list is the "I really admire you" approach. For instance, if you will be asked to serve on a committee, you can soften your refusal by sayinng, "I'm so glad you asked. I really admire your organization, but my schedule just won't allow me to accept your offer."
Then, there's the "That's an excellent offer" line. If someone is selling you a property or something, you can tell him: "That's an excellent offer, but I'm afraid we have to pass on it for the time being." Coudert explains: "Phrasing your turndown in a positive fashion can avoid hurt feelings."
Supposed you are invited to speak before a group but your schedule is already full. The person puts you on the spot and he doesn't want to hear no from you. You can tell him: "I'd love to say yes, but I can't right off the bat. Give me some time to see if I can work something out."
That's another way of saying, "Let me think about it." Another line you can use is: "It just won't work for us." Another line, made famous by Hollywood film actor Paul Newman, is: "That's not something I do. He was reportedly eating in a restaurant with a friend, when suddenly a fan asked him for an autograph. Newman told him politely: "Sorry, but that's not something I do."
"I'm sorry you have that problem." The strategy here is to say those words sympathetically but firmly. Coudert explains how to use this line: "Sometimes the hardest person to say no to is the one who merely hints around and sighs."
Using humor may also do the trick. "Humor is a fine way of saying no," writes Coudert. "We are all amused by the unexpected twist." For example: "I suppose you think I say no just because I'm mean. Well, it's true."
Finally, just say no. "A clear no prevents misunderstandings," a chief executive told Coudert. "It keeps people from going off in wrong directions and wasting time."
In some instances, saying no may not be good also. Film actor George Raft said no to the Sam Spade role in "The Maltese Falcon" (1941) because he didn't want to work with director John Huston, an unknown at that time. It went to Humphrey Bogart and made history. In another occasion, Robert Redford turned down the Ben Braddock part in The Graduate (1967) because he thought he couldn't project the right amount of naivet‚. The role made Dustin Hoffman an instant star aside from earning an Oscar nomination for his performance.
For comments, write me at tasyo2002@yahoo.com
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