Saturday, July 15, 2006
Oledan: Collective denial
By Radzini Oledan
Spice of Life
THE question on the appropriateness of educating children and youth on sex and the amount of information to give and who should give it highlight yet again the debate about sex and sexual taboos.
Positions can range from no sex education in the schools to the schools should start as early as possible. But there is a piece of the debate which does not seem to be taking place at all: the importance of educating children about healthy sexuality in order to help kids keep themselves safe from sexual abuse.
In spite of the increasing number of news reports about child molestation, there is reluctance to talk about the issue of children being sexually abused.
The statistics are staggering: one in four girls and one in six boys will be victims of some type of sexual abuse or assault by the time they reach age 18.
There are many types of child sexual abuse, from inappropriate touching, fondling, exposure to pornography, to full forced intercourse and sadistic acts. Abuse may consist of a one-time incident or an ongoing perpetration, which continues throughout childhood into teen years.
Often, the only way for a teen to escape is to leave home.
Most cases of child sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows: a parent, a sibling, another relative, a family friend, a neighbor, a teacher, a member of the clergy.
In the majority of cases, children do not feel safe to tell anyone what has happened to them. Talking about sex at all is taboo in many families and if a child cannot talk about healthy sexuality and normal bodily functions comfortably, how can they ever tell someone about sexual abuse?
Children pick up very subtle cues from adults; if sex is never talked about, or if parents have reacted disapprovingly to any mention of sex or sexualized behavior in their children, then children will be very reluctant to tell if they have been abused.
Unfortunately, not disclosing sexual abuse adds to the trauma for the child and has repercussions. The child will most certainly feel guilt, shame, self-blame, and may carry the dark secret for years.
Sexually abused children struggle with anxiety, fear, and issues of trust, safety, and self-esteem. They may become angry, hostile, suicidal, may turn to drugs or alcohol, act out sexually, or engage in other high-risk behaviors.
Children and teens need good information about sex, sexual relationships, reproduction and birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and sexual abuse. In this high-risk day and age, children and teens need all the information they can get.
To withhold information about sex and the possibility of sexual abuse, as well as information about reproduction and disease, puts all children at risk.
Refusing to talk about sex does not mean that children are safe, that nothing bad will happen to them. Only by opening up the discussion about sex, and beginning to talk to children at young age, will we ever be able to protect them from abuse.
For comments, email roledan@hotmail.com
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