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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Review
By Rene Lizada
Papa's Table
SOMETIMES, when you wait long enough, the fruit of patience comes to you in very unexpected ways. Sometimes when you wait long enough the rewards of patience appear like fresh rain in the midst of your drought. And sometimes when you wait long enough you realize what lessons you have finally learned.
Last week I was in a meeting with someone I had worked with for sometime. I had not seen her or talked to her after I had left. I was just listening to her talk and talk and talk. I was just quiet. I was trying to understand what she was trying to say, when it dawned upon me that she was still saying the same things, but in different words. She was trying to tell everyone a lot of different things but she was saying the same things.
Nothing had changed about her and I suspect that nothing ever will. I was simply stunned by this truth, this realization. Some people move on while others are stuck. Forever paralyzed. And yet that was not the biggest surprise that evening because as I sat there I realized that something had happened. Something had changed. Someone did.
And as I sat there asking myself why I felt this way I understood that it was I who had changed. I was the one who had changed. And when I was trying to take it all in I simply looked at her talking and talking. I looked at listened because as I sat there I found myself recalling events that led me to this place, to this realization. I saw through her. Until that moment I thought that I knew her but until that moment I was wrong. I only came to see the real person after that meeting. I only came to see through her after all that had happened. And when I understood what had occurred, I was grateful. Thankful because somehow I had learned, somehow I had moved on. I had, through much reflection and despair and sometimes humor raised myself. While she was still there where I had left her sometime ago. But moving on is never easy. Staying stuck is.
There are times in our lives when we have no choice but to muddle through. It is like being in a swamp with all the mud, the dirt, the helplessness and the despair of getting lost. Of having no choice but to just push on, one step at one agonizing step at a time. When you are in a swamp you do not see anything but the swamp. The disease, the stench, the ooze and the endless terrain that seem to go on forever. And the only thing that keeps you going is the truth that it will end, the swamp will. At the fringe of a swamp is the meadow that beckons those who are strong enough, brave enough.
There are times when you are in the middle of it all that you wonder, where this all is leading to. Why do I need to walk through the mud when I can just stay here and be stuck and enjoy the swamp. Some of us are like that aren't we? Since we are too weak to move on we decide to stay in the swamp and be content with flies, and insects and mud. We get stuck and we enjoy the grime and the filth of our surroundings. And we justify ourselves by saying mud is good. The swamp is a great place to stay in. And soon enough the swamp becomes us.
But some people cannot be content with flies and mud. They need to move on because they know that the swamp is merely a transitory place. Something that you pass through in order for you to get to the place of your dreams, to the land of your own truth. And so it is that reality that pushes you, urges you to fight your way through to get to your meadow. There are times it may seem hopeless and distant, your destination may be. But you go on not knowing where it will lead but knowing how it will end. In the end, you will know where you are, in the end you will know.
I am not saying that I have reached my truth because I have in the words of Frost: "miles to go before I sleep". What I am saying is we must not allow ourselves to be paralyzed by what we are. Not to be stuck in our zones and in our places. You will know when you are stuck, you will know when you are paralyzed because you are saying the same things you have said for the past several years. You have not learned or have refused to learn. I wish we could all learn but some of us are really bad learners.
If we have learned anything let us be grateful. If we still play the same old songs then we must re assess ourselves and ask ourselves, why. Why are we still here? Why are we still stuck? Why are we in the swamp? Some of those who are lucky enough to free themselves from the swamp realize that they are miles and miles from those who are still in the swamp. While those who are in the meadows see butterflies and clear blue skies, those in the swamp see their butterflies that are really bugs and insects. They think they see blue skies but in reality they see only grey clouds. But you cannot tell them that. They cannot see it. Only those who have seen blue skies know what blue skies are like.
I know I am still in the swamp but I can see a patch of blue skies yonder.
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (August 9, 2006 issue)
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