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Sunday, September 10, 2006
Significant other, significant bother
By Gladys Lalaine G. Marcial
My Turn
THERE'S no "how to" book, no roadmap in handling relationships. There's only a deep feeling of difference, often at the start. It's frightening and pretty lonely thinking that things might not work out and fall apart.
A beginning that's still going on in my life is my relationship with my boyfriend. True, we just marked six months together this month. I call this a start. My friends all know how difficult it has been for me to move on after my last serious relationship. Still, this relationship is only a beginning, the start of a process to gain full protection for our love for each other. It's a beginning and it's difficult, both for us. But we will surely shoulder on together.
Now, do most people hang on because they don't want to give up on the relationship or on the person they love? Personally, I hang on because I don't want to give up on the person I care about even he's beginning to be my significant bother. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. At the beginning, everything may feel and look perfect but as you grow with each other, you'll learn that what used to be perfect really wasn't. This is where acceptance steps in. It's learning to face situations where up is suddenly down, when black turns white and when nothing in the relationship makes much sense.
Individual indifferences should remind us of who we really are and how important our partners are in our lives. We should learn to put ourselves into a different frame of mind by putting our self into our partners' situation. It's flattering to be in control but it increases the stress level of the relationship. Individual indifferences enable us to have a personal inventory of our life not to mention it polishes our emotional skills. Each of us is a rational being endowed with intellect and will. We should always keep in mind that we can still influence how things go in the relationship without being too dominant. We just need to know where we really want to be and when we need to be there.
I came across this quote in a female magazine "Just like an onion, the relationships in your life have many layers -- and as you dig deeper, tears could result. It's important to get to the essence of what you want and find the answers you need, but you must also respect the comfort zones of other people." Often the line between your private life and relationship is in danger of being crossed -- someone from one side wants to come over the other. Often one gets unexpected reactions about actions making you realize that your partner has thinner skin than you realized.
That's where acceptance and patience comes in. Skills that only a few can master comfortably. In every relationship, one must keep in mind that the little mountains you climb with your partner every day are life's way of keeping you both on your toes. So don't let each other get frustrated if the same old issues keep popping up.
In cases where worse comes to worst, maybe one should have an A-ha! Moment that there are people in your life who should not be there and unless you realize that they are not good for you, situations will continue to negatively affect your journey.
Reality bites, people sometimes get too obsessive about what they want from life that they forget about the wonderful things that are in their life already-including the people they love and the people who love them.
For Bisaya stories from Davao. Click here. (September 10, 2006 issue)
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