Sunday, November 12, 2006
Covington: Oh to be an agony uncle
By Gary Covington
Looking In
HELLO, Stella. As time has gone by the more observant members of Davao's expat community have connected the photo accompanying my column with my physical being and, to my horror, I find the mantle of an agony uncle being draped around my shoulders.
The other week the Sun.Star ran an advert from a Dr. Claessens proposing a "Union of Foreigners", a sort of expat social club. Enquiries to the e-mail address supplied with the ad resulted in this...
"The Union aims at a free exchange of a broad range of information and advice between its members or from invited guests. A network of friends in a similar situation is always helpful, especially when one is relatively new in a city. We are not against doing business with each other, but it is not our primary concern as there are already other organizations for that. If necessary the Union could represent and defend the interests of foreigners in Davao.
"There is no proposed membership fee. At drinks, dinners, etc. each pays his own. There is no obligation to attend. Meetings will generally take place at a restaurant in Davao and may take different shapes and forms. If, for instance an invited speaker on, say, getting your foreign currency exchanged at the best possible rate does not have your interest, you just don't attend the meeting, or maybe only the drinks or dinner afterwards. There may be formal and festive occasions, with or without partners, but usually the atmosphere will be informal and the dress code relaxed.
"We aim to include all foreigners (that is in this case, non-Filipinos) and want our members to have a clean background, integrity, a certain civility and helpfulness in dealing with each other. If you like the idea please spread the word among your foreigner friends."
Not every expat thought Dr Cleussens's suggestion a good idea; here's one.
"Hello Gary, I sent this short note to the good Doctor expressing my feelings. Guess what, he or she has not replied so far. If I get a reply I will pass it on. Regards Francis."
"Hello, I assume you are an academic by your title. Whilst your idea is, under normal circumstances, both laudable and thoughtful, in this part of the world it is not tenable. I wonder if you have given any real thought to your proposal! In case you had not noticed we are in a situation of RED alert at this time, and we as foreigners have been advised by the National Government and LGU's not to gather in large numbers anywhere especially public places like Malls and restaurants, yet here you are proposing that we do just that. All I can say is you are either crazy or in league with the terrorists. Information regarding such gatherings would definitely not go unnoticed. So lets just take a moment and analyze your proposal, first: to arrange one of your gatherings you will have to inform all interested parties, second: you will have to give them a time to meet, am I getting through to you? three: you will have to tell people where to meet, so now anyone plotting anything against foreigners has, the who, the where, the when, all they have to do is arrange a little welcome from which your guests may never return, only in boxes and if they are lucky, if you can call it lucky, they may get injured. I do not wish to appear melodramatic but I think that when we are warned by the news media and the local authorities, we should take notice and comply, don't you? Please do not get me wrong I would like to see such an organization but here in the Philippines unlike in Europe or the States we would stick out like a sore thumb just asking for trouble. Regards Francis."
Melodramatic? Over the top? Reds under the bed? The e-mail wasn't aimed at me but I felt obliged to reply...
"Hello Francis, thanks for the copy of your note to Dr Claessens. Are you the same Francis who, a couple of weeks ago, was sitting with me in a restaurant packed with expats, telling me that Davao was safe as houses and that there's more trouble to be had on the streets of Inglethorpe-By-Nook, Idyllicshire. No -- it can't be. I do hope the good doctor doesn't object to your insinuating -- no, not insinuating, accusing -- him of being (a) off the rails and, (b) in league with the bad guys. (And only four spelling mistakes -- haven't you any pride in your scribbling? Slapped wrist sirrah, slapped wrist. )
"There used to be a similar sort of club years ago meeting once a month in a restaurant or wherever. I (with uncle Bob) attended one such meeting at the old Alavar restaurant (now a cyber-caf‚) and possibly we two had imbibed a surfeit of ale -- Bob can tell you more about the evening than I but the crowd seemed to be equally divided between Yanks loudly boasting to each other about how great the USA was and northern Europeans (Germany upwards) whining about the Philippines.
"Apparently one gentleman refused to shake hands with me. I don't know who or why. This was charcoal days and I was filthy so perhaps he thought I was the resto's cleaning guy. Or maybe I puked on his shoes or then again maybe -- in my usual how to make friends and influence people way -- I was in raspberry-blowing mode.
"Anyway, I look forward to the good doctor's reply. Cheers, Gary."
Oh, to be an agony uncle...For more Philippine news, visit Sun.Star General Santos. (November 12, 2006 issue)
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