Wednesday, March 28, 2007 Greater things By Rene Lizada Papa's Table
ABOUT four years ago, someone offered me my dream job. And that was to teach at the Ateneo de Manila. I was of course stunned and delirious with the thought of accomplishing what was one of my fondest dreams.
But the very instant I heard the offer, I knew that I could not accept it because of the obligation I had with my mother. She asked me to help her run the family business and even if I did not want to, I could not refuse her the second time because things were a little different this time. Not this time.
I simply could not just leave my mother.
And so it was with a really reluctant heart that I told the person that I simply could not do what my heart had wanted to do for a very long time. I gave up my dream job. I turned away from something which I really wanted to do.
Looking back now, I should have accepted that job. If I had only known what I now know then I should have taken the job. But as it is, it was not meant to be.
It was not God's will. And so it is with the thought of surrender that I am now content with what I have.
But God does pull surprises now and then. Sometimes God sneaks up on you and reveals really wonderful things.
For the past two articles, Migoy has been writing about his graduation and what he will do next.
What you do not know is that Migoy is graduating with honors, and that Migoy has been offered to teach at the Ateneo de Manila. What the father could not do, the son will. When my wife and I learned about this she told me in her maternal and spousal wisdom, "What God did not give you Rene, He will give to your son."
I was at the bank when I read Migoy's Tomorrow Child article. I was inside a bank and I was crying in the middle of waiting for my name to be called. I was inside a bank when tears started flowing. Sometimes parents wonder if they are doing the right thing, sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing for my kids. And then suddenly you get the answer.
Sometimes we do things right.
When I heard that Migoy was graduating with honors, I was so proud that my son attained his goal.
He had a difficult time in his first year and there were times where he was crying out of frustration. But we told him to hang on and hang on he did. In his fourth year he got an academic scholarship because of his honor status and today Migoy stands on the edge of his dreams.
Today what he wished for four years ago will, with the grace of God, blossom right in front of his eyes. And we are so proud of him.
I always tell people that Migoy is a better writer than I am. His insights for his age are profound compared to my thoughts when I was his age.
He is, as what my wife would call, a product of nurturing and nature. When he applied at the Ateneo de Manila, he knew what he wanted to take; there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to take AB Literature in English. He even has a minor in Filipino. But he was also nurtured. We encouraged his development and we never told him what course to take or what we wanted. What was tantamount and essential to us was his growth and development. That is why I was so touched when I saw what he wrote about letting go.
Far too many parents want what they want for their children. They force their children to take courses their children do not want. They impose their will and their biases. And when their children refuse to do, so, they brand their children as ungrateful and unworthy. Our children are not ours. Authentic parents lead and guide, they do not impose their wills and form judgments. True parents are not dictators who act like brats who throw tantrums and threaten sanctions when their children do not follow what they want.
Only insecure parents demand total submission from their children. Unfortunately there are too many parents out there who have an iron fist when it comes to their children. Strange but true they treat their friends better than they treat their family.
When Migoy told us that he was asked to teach at the Ateneo de Manila, I felt a tinge of regret for myself and for what might have been. I have always wanted to teach there even for a year. I would have settled for a semester even. But I could not because I had to fulfill and obligation. A son's duty. And now it will never be for me. But it can be for my son. It will be for Migoy.
As parents we can only step aside and let our children take their lives in their hands. Free from demands and judgments, free from biases and selfishness. We cannot chain our children with our lost dreams for they have their own tomorrows to build. We cannot limit our children to what we want for they know what their hearts wish for. We cannot hold on to our children because they are not ours. And, even if we have to let go, we do so with a silent prayer that all will be well and true for them.
Because they will see greater things and do greater things. If we are true, they will be greater than us and that will be our reward. And, legacy.
