THE fifth way to prevent your baby from becoming a spoiled child is, don't overlook discipline during quality time. If you are working parents, you will want to spend part of each evening with your child.
This special time spent with your child needs to be enjoyable but also reality based. Don't ease up on the rules. If your child misbehaves, remind him of the existing limits. Even during fun activities, you occasionally need to be the parent.
Sixth, don't start democratic child rearing until your child is four or five years old. Don't give away your power as a parent. At two years of age, be careful not to talk too much to your toddler about the rules.
Toddlers don't play by the rules. By four or five years of age, you can begin to reason with your child about discipline issues, but he still lacks the judgment necessary to make the rules.
During the elementary school years, show a willingness to discuss the rules. By 14 to 16 years old, an adolescent can be negotiated with as an adult. At that time you can ask for his input about what rules or consequences would be fair.
The more democratic the parents are during the first two or three years, the more demanding the children tend to become. Generally, young children do not know what to do with power.
Left to their own devices, they usually spoil themselves. If they are testing everything at age three, it is abnormal. If you have given away your power, take it back (i.e., set new limits and enforce them). You don't have to explain the reason for every rule. Sometimes the only reason needed is just because "I said so."
Seventh, is to teach your child to get herself out of boredom. Your job is to provide toys, books, and art supplies. Your child's job is to play with them.
Assuming you talk and play with your child several hours each day, you do not need to become your child's constant playmate, nor do you need to constantly provide him with an outside friend.
When you're busy, expect your child to amuse himself. Even 1-year-olds can keep themselves occupied for 15-minute blocks of time.
By 3 years, most children can entertain themselves half the time. Sending your child outside to "find something to do" is doing him a favor. Much good creative play, thinking, and daydreaming come out of solving boredom. If you can't seem to resign as social director, enroll your child in a preschool.
Eighth, teaching your child to wait. Waiting helps children better deal with frustration. All jobs in the adult world carry some degree of frustration. Delaying immediate gratification is a trait your child must gradually learn and it takes practice.
Don't feel guilty if you have to make your child wait a few minutes now and then (e.g., don't allow your child to interrupt your conversations with others).
Waiting doesn't hurt him as long as he doesn't become overwhelmed or unglued by waiting. His perseverance and emotional fitness will be enhanced.
Ninth, don't rescue your child from normal life challenges. Changes such as moving and starting school are normal life stressors. These are opportunities for learning and problem solving. Always be available and supportive, but don't help your child if he can handle it for himself. Overall, make it as pleasant as possible. His coping skills and self-confidence will benefit from this practice.
Tenth, don't over praise your child. Children need praise, but it can be overdone. Praise your child for good behavior and following the rules. Encourage him to try new things and work on difficult tasks, but teach him to do things for his own reasons too.
Self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment come from doing and completing things that he is proud of. Praising your child while he is in the process of doing something may make him stop at each step and want more praise. Avoid the tendency (common with the first-born child) to over praise your child's normal development.
Lastly, teach your child to respect parents' rights and time together. The needs of your children for love, food, clothing, safety, and security obviously come first. However, your needs should come next. Your children's wants (e.g., for play) and whims (e.g., for an extra bedtime story) should come after your needs are met and as time is available on that day. This is especially important for working parents where family time is limited. It is both the quality and quantity of time that you spend with your children that are important. Quality time is time that is enjoyable, interactive, and focused on your child.
Children need some quality time with their parents everyday. Spending every free moment of every evening and weekend with your child is not good for your child or your marriage. You need a balance to preserve your mental health. Scheduled nights out with your mate will not only nurture your marriage but also help you to return to parenting with more to give.
Your child needs to learn to trust other adults and that he can survive separations from you. If your child isn't taught to respect your rights, he may not respect the rights of other adults. (MTM)
