Sunday, July 08, 2007 Estremera: Kids will always be kids By Stella Estremera Spider's Web
* There I was with all exam results claiming I can choose the course I want. There's one problem, I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't even want to leave childhood yet. I was 16 and just about everyone was asking me what I want my future to be. I was 16 and didn't really have any idea what.
ONE information in my biodata always elicits a question, a question that is almost always the same.
"Why are you in journalism when you took up Architecture in college?"
Used to be my standard answer was I got bored with studying in college, I found a part-time job in a newspaper and was never able to leave it long after I have left college.
Now, after thinking things over why my road took that unlikely turn from a course that required engineering and artistic skills and not much for words to something that requires a lot of facility in words, I'm more convinced it's all about childhood...
We have often heard people, mostly in law enforcement, scoff off at the United Nations Children's Fund (Unicef)'s definition that a child is someone below 18 years old.
The tough-talkers among us would almost always say that adolescents already have pubic hairs, so how can we still refer to them as children? (Actually, the Visayan translation of this question sounds more graphic and scornful: "Unsa? Gib…bol na children ra gihapon?").
As a high school kid, I exuded maturity.
I studied without much prodding, I didn't get into adolescent scrapes, I wasn't putting on all those make-up and dressing up to entice boys, I was simply being my nerd self, tucked in a quiet corner of the library or reading some other books in between wielding the paintbrush inside Ma'am Brenda Barba's art room. That's the image I exuded anyway. I preferred books to partying, and that's being mature to the adults.
Deep inside I was simply keeping myself company because just about everyone around me was in a hurry to grow up and I wasn't. Flirting with boys whom I grew up with and seen how they looked like when mucus still ran down their noses didn't hold much appeal, dressing up and putting on make-up was so uncomfortable and warm, getting into adolescent scrapes taxed my poor, cowardly heart, and getting good grades was what's expected of me, and so I took the road of least resistance, I kept to myself.
And then at 16, just months before graduation, came a series of aptitude, IQ, and college entrance tests matched with loads of guidance and career counselors all selling their schools and the courses their schools offered.
Keeping myself company, while it did not guarantee me any top ranks during graduation, ensured I had enough extra-curricular knowledge under my hat such that all those exams outside regular classes were a breeze. So, there I was, the silent nerd passing all exams, topping a lot, and fitting into all courses some of those exams were designed to determine.
There I was with all exam results claiming I can choose the course I want.
There's one problem, I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't even want to leave childhood yet. I was 16 and just about everyone was asking me what I want my future to be. I was 16 and didn't really have any idea what.
And so I listed down three courses in my UPCAT. Number 1: BS Architecture because I loved to draw but my mom said there's no money in taking up fine arts. Number 2: BS Civil Engineering because it sounded like it still had a tinge of architecture in it. Number 3: AB Journalism because I've been a member of the school paper since Grade 3 but wasn't really sure what journalism graduates really end up as.
That list was required in the UPCAT so they'll know where they'll place you. The list was considered as your priority. Thus, number 1 should be your ideal course. But if you don't make it to number 1, then they'll consider you for number 2 and then number 3. Remember, I didn't even have an ideal course then, I was busy enjoying my own company and wasn't prepared to leave childhood behind.
I passed the marks for my Number 1 choice and found myself enrolling in architecture all the while still not really convinced what I wanted to do with my life. I was just going through the motions because that's what's expected of me at that age, to be in school, and do well.
I did as my parents expected, although I did disappoint them when I opted to leave UP-Diliman after getting caught within the activist movement. I moved back to Davao City where I knew academic life will be easier to juggle in between some other avocations in my continued search as to what I want. But I still kept on with my architecture course because I felt I had gone so far and it would be a lot of wasted money if I go back and change course. My parents had just enough money for all our needs, but nothing to spare for wasteful whimsy.
And now two decades hence, when I'm asked why I'm a journalist when I took up Architecture, my reply is: "It's because they asked me what I wanted to be forever-after when I was only 16."
I may have exuded maturity as a high school kid, but all that was just for show. Deep within me I was just living my life as expected by my parents (to some it could be peers, neighbors, whatever). I didn't know any better, and that's what childhood is all about. It's not about appearances, it's about identity, or the lack of it.
P.S.: I strongly believe this does not only apply to clueless nerds like me when they were kids. Admittedly, there are always exceptions to the rule. But, they are the exceptions and not the rule. saestremera@yahoo.com
