Friday, August 31, 2007 Maxey: Disorder in court By Ram Maxey Bar None
WHEN you are feeling low and out of sorts, sometimes a few laughs can perk up your day and make you feel good again. Like for instance, while surfing the internet, one comes across this item entitled Disorder in the Courts of America. It's about what people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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LAWYER: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
LAWYER: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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LAWYER: How old is your son?
WITNESS: 35 or 38. I can't remember when.
LAWYER: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: 45 years.
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LAWYER: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No. I just lie there.
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LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, `Where am I Cathy?'
LAWYER: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar?
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LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Will you repeat the question?
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LAWYER: So, the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: And what were you doing at the time?
WITNESS: Uh...
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LAWYER: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
LAWYER: Were there any girls?
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LAWYER: All your answers must be ORAL, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: ORAL.
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LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started at 8:30 p.m.
LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him.
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LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was still alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
LAWYER: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
