Friday, January 25, 2008 Antalan: Friendship is good relationship By Roger P. Antalan Dateline IGaCoS
FRIENDSHIP is good relationship. "Good relationship" as one successful US company professes, "is good business." In business and the practice of professions, there is so much time, effort, and money spent to build goodwill, public relations, good image, and customer satisfaction. It is the same with personal relations. As Samuel Johnson puts it: "A man must keep his friendship in constant repair."
How do you repair a damaged relationship? When a friend has hurt you and given you pain? The Chinese are very good in situations like this. The Chinese proverb says: "Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead." But sometimes, the Filipino is also good in situations like this.
There is even humor in his wisdom. To illustrate, this is how a Filipino would point out someone's fault or defect. If a friend has a mote in his eye, ask him first: "May mota ba ako?" Naturally, he will answer: "None." Then you tell him in a nice way: "buti ka pa mayroon." The lesson is really simple. Save face, both the culprit and the victim become winners, and "live happily ever after."
A good and humorous repartee is an excellent antidote to uncalled for comments. We can learn from the great Winston Churchill. He had a running feud with Lady Astor in when both were in the British Parliament. They really disliked each other very much. One time Lady Astor told Churchill: "If I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee." Churchill answered: "Lady, if I were your husband I would drink it." Actually among true friends, there are no such things as hurting words because we always give wide allowances and take things in stride. But if there are really insulting words, Churchill has taught us to return the favor with a well-placed humor. It is like turning guns into ploughshares; barbed wires into a bouquet of roses.
More often than not, in our daily lives we will have to deal with a rich mixture of people, with different personalities, backgrounds and cultures. Good relationship means "being all things to all men." Friendship is the key. "Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity" to put one over the other.
One formula for success has three basic ingredients:
1. Native Intelligence
2. Social Intelligence and
3. Hard Work.
Let me zero in on Social Intelligence. The other two are easily explained.
Native talent and hard work are a given. We must use what is in between our ears and we must also be doers most of all. But I like the term Social Intelligence.
Social intelligence is another name for the gift of making true friends. It is not pa-PR-PR lang, pangiti-ngiti lang, using gimmicks which are, according to the lingo of the young, "kaplastikan."
Social intelligence is a skill in handling people. It is sincere and smooth interpersonal relations. The other person becomes inspired from the encounter or meeting or even comes away as a better person from the experience. Like love, this quality makes the world go round and round.
In sum, the best style of leadership and friendship can be seen from the words of the French philosopher, Albert Camus: don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; don't walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me and just be my friend.
